Reply With QuoteI always thought the 1st yr of marriage is the best,romantic,spending time together etc but for me it was the worst year felt like running away at times but alhamdulillah it gets better as the years go by just make sabr n make lots of duaa...
WslmOriginally Posted by Unregistered
Salaams all. I've been married for just over a year now. I have one sister in law who refuses to let go of her brother (my husband). She's constantly minding our business, constantly foning to ask him what we are doing, where we are going. She's married an has a family of her own, but she doesn't leave us alone at all. I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer. I feel very neglected by my husband, and it feels as if his married to her rather than to me. He shares details with her that I don't even know about, and then wen I'm asked about it by my mil, it seems like I'm the idiot n my husband and i don't communicate. My sister in law lives about 20 min away from us, and yet it feels as if she's in our lives and even in our bedroom 24/7. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I have other brother in laws that are also married, but she seems over posessive with my husband becos he got married a little bit late. She's very bossy and very domineering. I've tried talking to my husband about this and he just sides with her all the time. I want a divorce and I want out, so that he can then go and be with his sister 24/7. Marrriage isn't supposed to be this agonising, its supposed to be blissfull. But I've had about enough of this woman. Talking to her won't help, because she's been put on a pedastal by her entire family and they don't feel she's wrong in anything she does. I feel very alone and very neglected. What should I do? Please help
May Allah assist you in this condition
You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?
As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.
I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php
In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:
> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"
This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.
I hope you find this fruitful.
Salaam
I always thought the 1st yr of marriage is the best,romantic,spending time together etc but for me it was the worst year felt like running away at times but alhamdulillah it gets better as the years go by just make sabr n make lots of duaa...
Wslm
May Allah assist you in this condition
You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?
As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.
I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php
In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:
> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"
This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.
I hope you find this fruitful.
Salaam
This is a very wise response to your predicament...
Heed this advice and Allah will make it easy, Insha'Allah
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