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Thread: trampled over

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    trampled over

    Pls I need advice,I'm very soft hearted and people walk all over me.I'm really getting frustrated I always do wat other people want me to do, husband, in laws even the maid. If ppl talk harshly to me I just cannot defend myself and I'm always almost in tears.and it really upsets me. Is there anything I can do to control my emotions and just stop ppl from tramping my toes.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Buy a notebook. Every time this happens write down a) what happened b) what emotions you felt during it c) how you felt afterwards d) write down what you wish you had said, e.g. 'I don't want to do it that way, I am going to do this, thank you for the suggestion anyway'. Remember you are worth it, you were born free, you have as much authority as anyone else. Also start to do little things that scare you, just for you, make decisions just for yourself. Even if it's something different to eat for lunch, to go for a spontaneous walk, to buy yourself a present. Learn to make daring choices for yourself but start small. I would also pick a project just for yourself that you can do on your own - for example, do you want to learn a particular craft/skill, do you want to improve your health, do you want to read so many books by the end of the year, learn a different language, learn to cook a different cuisine? Choose a project and practice a little bit every day, make a plan for yourself how you are going to do it. This will show you that you can achieve things and change things for yourself and draw you out of your own learned helplessness and make you more confident.

    Keep the diary faithfully and each time this happens don't be afraid to pause, take a deep breath, think back to your diary and give the response you wished you had last time. Also if people make suggestions that cause difficulties for you tell them, e.g. with the maid, 'I don't like to do [whatever she is suggesting] that way because a, b and c.' Giving rational reasons will help you to understand your own thought processes and let you feel less overwhelmed. Also, if you can't work up the courage in the moment, don't be hard on yourself and think you are a failure. It takes time.

    Finally, don't be afraid to share this plan with people you trust, especially your husband (if you feel you can talk to him). Tell him, 'I don't like the way people talk to me, I want to be more confident, and I'd like your support in that.' You don't have to be alone.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012

    I was just like u and in some ways I still am that way. Even if I knew I was right in my thinking, I would always back down and doubt myself when being confronted by some1 more forceful and more confident than I am. I even doubted decisions made in my professional capacity which made me hate working.

    What changed 4 me was one day when I had simply had enough and I just spoke my mind with conviction and confidence. Inside I was a mess, but it didn't show and the person I was speaking to backed down and just accepted what I said without any come back. Its empowering when u take a stand and realise that like every1 else u also have a right to ur opinion and that its not wrong to voice it and be heard.

    I love the advice TempuraG gave to u. Like he/she said start small by tactfully speaking up 4 urself. U will be surprised @ how well it will be received. When I broke out of my shell, my husband actually congratulated me and told me that I need to be more assertive like that always. He respected me more.

    However, always think b4 u speak. Is it true, is it kind and is it necessary. Don't become a harsh person. The lines are easily blurred and u have to pick ur battles.
    Goodluck sister, I wish u well on ur journey to finding your voice and strength

  4. #4

    You have every right to be happy and confident , so start to put your best plan into action and you will be the winner for you! Best Salaams TG

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