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  1. #1

    my wife witholding from me

    Sllms. Need advice. Is it right for a woman to withhold sex with her husband. I have a very high sex drive and my wife often just turns the other way and sleeps. I can play with her with kisses to try and engage it but she not bothered. Its not that she's is tired or anything, not in her period. We have 2 helpers and she doesn't have to really do anything besides maybe picking up or dropping kids at school n madressah. It drives me nuts and I can't sleep. Tried fasting but it doesn't help. It's getting to a point where I will soon opt to find another woman. Please no harsh comments about u wrong and must do this or that. I know the Islamic rulings etc.

  2. #2

    medical check up

    Maybe take her for a medical check up. she maybe anaemic or depressed or something. Also if you want to much this could be draining for her. Maybe every second day. picking up and dropping of kids from school and madressah can be extremely tiring. it is a thankless boring job to do especially waiting for children all the time. so maybe she is also just bored with life and this is exhausting her.

  3. #3
    love language

    love language

    find out what your wife's love language is. make her understand your love language is really simple actually..
    maybe the romance is gone in your marriage. take some time to spend good quality time with her. maybe go for romantic dates without children.
    spend some time just listening to your wife. maybe pampering her. send her to a spa
    do things together other then just that one thing.
    find a hobby you both can do together.

  4. #4
    Foreplay starts before the bedroom and bedtime.

    Engage your wife and find out what arouses her.
    Maybe she feels that you are only attentive to her when you want sex.

    Fasting definetly helps. Fast for atleast 3 days continuous. Or fast Monday until Thursday.
    Reduce your meat intake.

    Seeking sex elsewhere will result in problems galore that will only bring anguish and regret.

    Maybe your wife is genuinely tired and you should pay attention to her nutrition.

  5. #5
    If a woman refuses her husband’s request to come to bed with no Islamically-sound reason (such as sickness, or his being drunk, for example), what happens is as described below:

    Sayyiduna Abu Hurairah ( Radiallahu Anhu ) narrated " Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said: ‘If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses [and does not come], and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4794; the additional phrase quoted in square brackets is from Abu Dawood, al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Nikaah, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah ).

    In the phrase “if a man calls his wife to his bed,” the word “bed” is obviously a metaphor for intercourse. Metaphors are used in the Qur’aan and Sunnah to refer to things about which people usually feel shy. Does this apply only to the nighttime, or does it include daytime too? The answer may be found in a hadeeth narrated by Muslim:
    “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, but the One Who is above the heavens [i.e. Allaah] will be angry with her, until he (her husband) is pleased with her.” Ibn Khuzaymah and Ibn Hibbaan report a hadeeth narrated by Jaabir:

    “There are three whose prayers will not be accepted and none of whose good deeds will ascend to heaven: a runaway slave, until he returns to his master; a drunken man until he becomes sober; and a woman with whom her husband is angry, until he is pleased with her.” These are general terms, which include both night and day.

    The phrase “and he spends the night angry with her” refers to the cause of the angels’ curse, because this confirms that she is a sinner, which is a different matter than if he accepts her excuse and is not angry with her, or lets the matter drop. Is she to blame if he keeps her away from his bed? The answer is: no, unless she is the one who started the separation and he is keeping away from her because of it, and she did not apologize but prolonged the separation. But if he is the one who started it, and is thus treating her unfairly, then she is not to blame. In one report, instead of the words “the angels curse her until morning,” the wording is “… until she returns” – and this is a useful variant.

    This hadeeth tells us that denying a spouse’s rights – whether physical or financial – is something that will inevitably bring about the wrath of Allaah, unless Allaah grants His mercy to the sinner.

    We also learn that the angels will pray against a sinner so long as he or she persists in the sin.

    The hadeeth also directs a wife to help her husband and seek his satisfaction, because a man is less patient than a woman when it comes to doing without intercourse. The most disturbing thing for a man is his sexual impulse, so Islam urges women to help their husbands in this regard.
    (Adapted and abbreviated from the commentary by al-Haafiz Ibn Hijr – may Allaah have mercy on him – on this hadeeth in Fath al-Baari ).

    Whether the husband wants to discipline his wife, or forgive her, or take another wife, or divorce her, this is all up to him to choose. Let the woman beware of incurring her husband’s wrath because this will lead to Allaah’s being angry with her.

    We ask Allaah to rectify this situation. May Allaah bless our beloved Habeeb e Paak Salalahu Alaihi WaSalam.

  6. #6
    poster said he knows what the islam part is. I am sure the wife knows that as well and is not intentionally doing this without valid reason. what happens if the second wife also gets exhausted by his demands. first try and fix the current problem and see what the underlying issues are. maybe she just needs a boost of energy. you seem very demanding and this can deplete the body as well.

  7. #7
    With regard to the hadith mentioned above, I just want some clarification. Does this also refer to leaving the room because of a fight?

    I often sleep in the spare bedroom when we are arguing, for fear of the fight escalating and becoming ugly. He calls me back after a while but I refuse.

  8. #8
    Women aren’t like starting up a car. If your marriage is in a bad place or your wife is feeling neglected or unloved then being physically intimate isn’t easy or pleasurable. If there’s are issues between you two, discuss them and try to resolve them. Women are softer and gentler and require attention and kindness and love. Send her texts through the day, call and speak to her randomly surprise her with something thoughtful, send the kids away for a weekend and take her somewhere fun and see how well she will respond.

  9. #9


    Is she on the pill. My sex drive went way down to like zilch when I went back on to the pill after my baby was born. I left the pill 2 months ago and my drive is back up to normal.
    Other things could be affecting her. A psychological problem like maybe trauma. Sometimes even reading a detailed account of a rape can affect a woman mentally and emotionally. Like how people hate guns when someone is shot. You can hate sex because it is the weapon of rape.

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