View Full Version : end of the line?

21-11-2012, 10:26 AM
i dont know if i can say everything i need to here without getting too complicated.
i have been married for a few years and feel i have married the wrong person.
lately everything is an issue. my family, friends, finances and even work. unfortunately i cant give away too much here as i would like to remain anonymous.
wifey earns more than i do and since she contributes more towards the household it gets thrown in my face.
she is always right no matter what.
she tells her mother everything and her mother poisons her mind.
and she does not see the harm it causes.
these are just some of the issues i have.
right now i am just so tired of all the fighting and bickering and am ready to throw in the towel.

21-11-2012, 03:12 PM

I understand that you are unhappy, but why do you say you feel that you have married the wrong person? Does your wife feel the same way? have you perhaps considered that she may be frustrated and angry because she has to shoulder a huge burden. As i understand it - marriage is based on assisting each other but men have traditional roles and so do women, islamically. You need to communicate with her. Surely she married you knowing that you dont earn a fortune. perhaps something else is lacking in your marriage.Do you have children? if so, you need to consider the implications. Women with children are forced to work at the expense of their children's wellbeing. they may resent that. strangers raising their children because a husband doesnt earn enough. Communication, intimacy and understanding are the cornerstones of marriage. Her mother may be seeing things from her perspective and parent's dont like to see their children being taken advantage of or someone sponging off their daughter. Do you contribute equallly to household expenses? if not, that may be an issue. you say there are other issues - what are the issues? perhaps its advisable to see a counsellor and not seek advise on a public forum. This is a sensitive issue. You cannot ask strangers to determine whether you are doing the right thing by walking out of your marriage. a qualified counsellor will be able to see both sides of the story and give qualified advice. Bear in mind that it takes two people to make a marriage and two to break it. The choice is yours.

21-11-2012, 07:31 PM
Wslm, I really feel you. At least you still contribute. My husband buys me nothing. I also feel like walking out, the thing is our problems are more complicated. He is not interested in intimacy, not even a hug let alone a healthy normal s*xual relationship , yet he talks to other women. My hubby's family don't really like me or my child despite all that I do. My child gets treated so badly - they make their dislike obvious! He is in regular contact with his ex-gf too. He also doesn't allow me near his phone and has a password on it. How does one make things work with such a person? There is no trust or love left and if I don't walk out, I will suffer psychological damage. May Allah swt ease your suffering. And may your situation improve.

a womens view
22-11-2012, 12:26 AM
Todays marriages seem to be so easy to end. We should be more like our parents and observe patience. Speak to your wife and let he know how her behaviour makes you feel. Let her know you both in this together, if things were the other way around she would not have appreciated been made to feel belittled. Inshallah it will work out for you both. Talking is so easily dismissed these days.

22-11-2012, 12:28 PM

i agree with above posts, u need to seek a help via a professional counsellor, preferable someone whose islamicly inclined as well as has insight into such matters.

also, u should try to work at ur marriage. every marriage has its ups and downs. now that u faced with problems, theres no need to give up. if u end ur marriage, whats the guarantee the next person u marry wont have any issues? there will always be issues, its how u deal with them that counts, and will determine the outcome.

marriage is not to be taken lightly. u must have known before u married her, that she would be earning more than u, depending on what profession she is in. in general conversation, im sure this must have come up? and she also would have known she earns more, yet married u anyway......so just hang ten, and try to save ur marriage.

u are not going to find the perfect person, ur wife is perfect for u, that is why u are married today. u just need to open the doors of communication......

22-11-2012, 03:28 PM
just reading through some of the threads on this site and it saddens my heart to see what people are going through.
unfortunately there is always two sides to every story and we seem to make judgement based on what a single party has told us.
in my opinion we need to ask ourselves what are we doing that could possibly create these problems.
are our actions or words actually helping to resolve the issues or are they making them worse.
how much are we guilty of that which we are accusing our spouses of?
sometimes its not who is wrong or right but rather its a matter of doing the right thing.
just my two cents worth.

22-11-2012, 04:07 PM
Your wife does not ask to earn more than you. Allah decides who get what financially. This is a big issue for guys but if you can see that uses this finances to improve your joint life as husband and wife then it should not be a problem - she could be spending it all on herself and expect you to foot all the bills - this would place a whole lot more pressure on you.
Try councilling with an impartial person preferably wise and capable. This way you both get to be advised on boundaries and pitfalls on both sides. If you get family to do it they will only take sides as it is natural to do so. I tried the family route and it also didnt work. An independent person could address both of you and hear both of you and try to assist both of you.

I hope you come right, dont throw in the towel unless you have tried everything.