View Full Version : upset by hubby

13-08-2012, 05:16 PM
slmz nanima and fellow nanimaers. My husband and I have been married for almost three years now and we have two kids. The problem is my hubby and I fight all the time since day one(we even fought on our honeymoon). I tried sooo much to look at myself thinking maybe m doing something wrong and even went as far as going into Pardah thinking that would make a change. the thing is i married him coz i thought he was leading a proper islamic life but getting to know i see that he isnt islamic at all it was all a front. but he still pretends to be oh so holy in front of everyone. if i were to say anything they would think i am lying because he puts up a massive front. he is a womaniser , and is really stingy. we are two different people I want to live a proper islamic life and be an example to my kids but how can I when their father is off track. the thing that gets to me most is that he will justify his wrongs and make like i am the bad one:(. i tried speaking to him but he just makes like I am talking none sense and I am wrong or swears and verbally abuses me and tell to go back to my mother.. I dont what to do I wanna leave but I do love him I pray soo hard that things change but theres only soo much one can take..pls help jzk.

14-08-2012, 10:23 AM
Slmz,sister I would suggest couples counselling for you both you must try to convince him into working together for the sake of your marriage and your kids. Pray for his hidaayat,and try and see things from his perspective to understand him better. No doubt he is wrong,you aren't the problem, his only making you feel like you at fault because that's probably his way of dealing with the fact that his not living up to your expectations.He knows you don't approve of his ways.Counselling is a must! Inshallah things will work out for you.

14-08-2012, 11:02 AM
Slmz I know exactly how you feel. I have the same problem with my husband. I spoke to his parents & sister & they r on my side. But they said that he has a problem & he needs professional help. He wouldn't accept that. I still love him for some weird reason but very dissapointed. I recently found out that he goes through porn sites on his laptop. Please advise

14-08-2012, 11:28 AM
Slms.I'm married for 11yrs.I was expecting our 1st child wen my hubby accused me of committing zinna.we have 3 kids and he doesn't trust me @ all.I almost went into purdah.I get told that I look @ evryman in the street.it gets to a point where physical n verbal abuse gets used and infront of kids.kids r nervous wrecks.friends said go 4 marriage counselling.doesn't even trust me at my parents.checks my fone,evryday.can't delete anything then I get told I'm hiding and up 2 no gud.

14-08-2012, 11:49 AM
So sorry to hear what you're experiencing. What you need is serious counseling, together with your husband. If that does not materialise, the next time he tells you to go back to your mother, take him up on the offer. How do you love a person who is abusive? I just cannot understand that! A marriage means a union of respect. If there is no respect there is nothing. I would invite you to carefully weigh up your options.

14-08-2012, 12:10 PM
Slmz ladies I was married for 6 years have 3 kids. But I too found a lot of change that I too don't like. Hubby goes on excursions with other woman does not even financially support me always fighting infront of the kids yet how many times I haveexplained to him not to fight infront of them. I approached his mother, father n his sister n they too pretended to be my side. Went for marriage councilling. Went to jamiat. Had 8 months separation only to rather get depicted as I am pshyco until I could not take n filed for divorce

14-08-2012, 01:00 PM
Zzzzzzslmz trying to post my view point

14-08-2012, 01:35 PM
Slmz I too have been used n abused by my ex. As I sit n respond to u sister I am in my iddat. Ur situation sound so much similar to mine n I find it amazing howe many of us young woman out there faces these criterias. I could not take it anymore n came to a point. I too went for councilling. I was married for 6 yrs n have three minor children. Wee use to argue n fight all da time. His friends was much more important. He never even paid for any of my confinements. His money was only for his pleasure. When we discuss something about money we eneded up not even talking. I approached his mum, dad n his married sister but they back stabbed me. Thinking that I might get help from them as there son was not financially supporting me. I begged him not to argue in front of the kidz but he did not listen. So my dear wat do I do. He lived of me I even had to pay the kidz creesche on my own. Hewas always having a fun and good time. I approached jamiat n now ex is exploiting by lettoing everyone know I am pshysco. But I am glad I asked for talaaq n he refused to grant me. He wanted me to give khula whereas than he wanted money. I did luv him n he is after all da father of my kidz but I cannot take it anymore]

14-08-2012, 01:55 PM
Slms ladies it seems that we are fighting a different jihaad. A silent battle. All I can advise is pray to Allah try to do things that make your spouse happy within confines of shariah keep your hearts happy with the love of your children. But be silent when husbands shout and scream don't judge their actions as it only makes the situation worse. On the day of judgement each person will answer for their own actions. Be strong and keep busy

14-08-2012, 10:40 PM
Assalamu alaikum my dear sisterz in Islam. All i can say is that i ask Allah to make it easy for you's. Its realy heart breaking to see how many marital problems there is. I am not a counceler but Alhamdulillah i have tryed to help many people. Remember there is one way forward and thats to follow the shariah. Unfortunatly so many men watch porn, chat to other women etc and its sad but we find so many women that also do not observe the rules of hijaab and who do not give their hubbys full credit. . . May Allah guide us and make it easy. Remember me in your duaas for verily the oppressed persons duaas are accepted

15-08-2012, 01:13 PM
its sad to c so many of my muslim sisters going through soo much.the times we live in also add soo much. men are more tempted because of the open intermingling of sexes. its accepted as a norm even in our so called islamic gatherings. I do believe though that every man is responsible for his actions..and yess as one sister said this is our jihaad its terribly difficult because we are emotional beings it breaks every inch of our beings yet we will stay and continue loving and serving these men that break us to nothing. My dear sisters do know that Allah doesnt sleep they will pay greatly for their actions. if we stick to our deen and live proper lives WE will one day be in a place where theres no hurt no anger no jealousy thats JANNAH. Find peace in patience and prayer indeed Allah is with the patient. remember in the end their actions isnt really hurting you its hurting themselves because they gonna answer for their actions to Allah. We dont live for no man we live For Allah, We love for Allah love Allah and direct all ur perfect love to Allah he will shower his love peace and mercy on you. lots of love from your sister in islam

15-08-2012, 02:08 PM
Seriously. MEn watch pron BUT women blah blah blah. What is it with men and trying to justify somehting a man does that is WRONG.

Also why is it that so many women are married for a few years with 2 and 3 kids? Why not wait and live your life with your husband, get to know each other better than you know yourself, why have kids so quickly, and not just 1. Once you realise what your husband really is you already have 3 kids, bit too late.

I am worth more!
16-08-2012, 12:06 AM
Slm sister,I went throughh physical abuse by my husband for 7 years,I had always vowed to my the next time it hapens I will leave,the next time always came and I fell for his apologies.the final straw was when it happned after we had a baby,I didn't crumble,I just got up,got my baby and left with clothing on my back!it was as if it had just dawned on me that this behavior was not good enough for me.sister please leave,for the sake of your children,rather raise them with no father than to grow up in a hostile enviroment.let this man spiral out of control by himself,don't get dragged down by his lack of humility.these dogs may have manners but the have no morals!