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Thread: In Laws causing havoc in my relationship

  1. #1

    Unhappy In Laws causing havoc in my relationship

    I have been married for 5 years and both my wife and I have been subjected to lots of abuse by my in-laws.
    My father in law does not work and demands that things be done for him all the time without realising the impact it has on his children and their marriages
    This has been an ongoing problem not only in my marriage but throughout my wife's life as he gets very agressive and abusive if things are not done in his favour

    We have a 6 month old child and my mother in law is looking after my baby whilst both my wife and I are at work
    My father in law barges into my home as he pleases and expects to be given breakfast/lunch/supper whenever he feels like it and throws tantrums and comes with lots of drama
    I feel that this is truly unhealthy as it has really taken a strain on my marriage as my wife and I are constantly arguing based on the behaviour of my in-laws present in my home

    We are considering getting someone responsible and reliable to look after my child

    Are there any muslim day cares or nannies that are willing to raise my child for the next 6 months until my wife would be able to look after my child on her own?

  2. #2

    Her father her duty

    Poster when your wife was born. She there tantrums demanded 3 meals a day and walked in to her parents home the same way you did as well.
    What her father is doing is in no way ok. But ever asked if maybe this is a test from Almighty. Rember her jannat lies with you an her parents. Some times in old age people feel unwanted UN needed and they tend to trouble just like you were at a teenager. Offer a conversation talk to your free inlaw about what he can do and can't do. As for the meals it only food. If he passes away trust me ur wife would only think of all this. Your mother inlaw is the best person. To look after your child. As she will love your baby take care of your baby and u can trust her. You both work full day cares close in holidays as well. Your baby would not get the attention he or she needs. So dont let a stranger take care of your baby when the nani is more then happy to. It makes nani feels as if she has a purpose again after so many years. Instead send her and wifey for a spa day to say thank you. Trust me if you break the bridge between parent and child. More so father and daughter it will cause your wife to be upset. So the key is ask your wife to talk toner father as well. Give him odd things to do around the home like fix a leaky tap. And just say it ok because trust me when I lost my mother it was the end that today if my father calls I would do the world and move the earth no matter how stupid the request is. For eg I was out I just left the house. My dad calls said he want lunch. I did tell him I was out but I am on my way back. Even thou he said no don't worry to come back I would of turned if he had to say ok. Because I realized that time on earth is borrowed.

  3. #3
    Honestly, we as women, live with your parents, who most of the time interfere, we tolerate every single thing, running behind your mothers and fathers and sisters etc, but u can't let your wife feed her parents, who r looking after your child?? Ur mother in law is also sacrificing her time and energy to help you and your wife, appreciate it!

  4. #4
    I am not complaining about food; you guys dont know the full story
    My in-laws are real leeches and seek every opportunity for people to feel sorry for them without having to sacrifice and also seek their sustenance
    They keep on burdening my wife and I with there personal domestic issues, dont work and make an effort, impose their demands onto us and barge into our home and invade our privacy almost all the time
    Finances have also become an issue as they demand things be done for them or else they become abusive and start throwing tantrums and get vulgar infront of my 6 month old child

    When my wife was young, she would need to pay maintenance money to her father to live in his house and had to seek loans and assistance elsewhere for university and transport
    There was no family support structure and today everybody comes to her for assistance and leeches off her now that she is working

    This past Monday, there was an argument in my house until 1am with tantrums,vulgarity,swearing and abuse infront of my child just because my FIL felt he needed to vent and take out his frustration on someone

    This is totally unnecessary and my mum in law has no say in the matter
    She has also been living a life of a lie in terms of saying she's looking after the child at night and says my wife looks after her as she does not want to cause an issue with my FIL
    Even though my wife and I give her something out of our own for looking after our child, she cannot even mention it to my FIL as he takes her income and gets abusive

    There is too much to mention but at the end of the day its causing a huge rift between my wife and myself and my child is sensing the tension in the house
    I do not want my child exposed to this life and to be brought up with verbal abuse,tantrums and fighting as it is truly harmful for her development and future

  5. #5
    I love the first poster's advice. To look after and respect parents for the pleasure of Allah. The harder it is, the more reward for it. I know, easier said than done, but we are in this world living solely to please our Almighty. I read somewhere that even the smallest hardship brings great reward, imagine how much reward you are getting for having patience with your fil.
    It sounds like your fil is the problem, your mil seems like she's quite intimidated by him. Maybe, get someone from outside the immediate family to speak to him. Find duas to bring peace into your home. Seek advice from someone learned maybe?

    In Sha Allah, Allah make it easy for you and your family and give you the best in this world and the Hereafter. Ameen.

  6. #6
    U r going around blaming ur inlws for everything but honestly y did u have a baby if u expecting ur poor mil to tak care of the child..trust me,looking after a child as little as 6months isnt a easy job at all..but ofcourse u wouldnt know because ur wife doesnt take care of the child n instead u burden her mum to do it..grow up!!if u wana make the baby then atleast leave ur wife home to take care of ur child.its nt ur inlws duty..n remember u also have parents so make dua to allah to forgive u n make peace between u and ur inlaws..

  7. #7


    You must have sabr. All people are not the same, and sumtyms people don't realize how their behavior looks to others, simply bcoz no-one has the courage to tell them. you need to sit your fil down, and tell him that as welcome as he is in your home, it is still your home, and he MUST respect it. tel him that his behavior is unacceptable in front of your child, and that it is causing a rift bet you & wife. Explain to him that you appreciate mil looking afta baby, but that does not mean that he can behave in any manner towards you and wife. But remember to do this tactfully, as u don't wanna upset them, they are afta all baby's grandparents, and your wife's parents, and for her, Jannah is still under Mother's feet, and the keys under her Fathers feet. Besides all of this, get up for Tahajud salaah, and beg ALLAH to help u and bring peace into your home.

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