Fiance' flirting with someone via SMS

[Unregistered]

salams! please post as anon:
i would just like to ask people's opinions on this matter! Say you are about to get engaged to someone, but you see a msg on his fone to another girl telling her that 'her bum is still looking good.' wen asked about it, the guy says its all just a joke and there was no intention behind it as him and the guys at work had this joke with the girl all the time. Is it ok for something like this to happen, even as a joke with another girl, though the guy says he is serious about marrying someone else. This is a serious matter so only serious answers that will help please.

[Unregistered]

It really doesn't matter if it's just a joke or not. If you, as his fiancé, are uncomfortable with it, he should stop doing things like this and apologise. Whether it meant anything or not is besides the point. You need to tell him now, that you don't like this kind of thing and you find it inappropriate. Don't argue with him and don't accuse him of anything. Make the focus about how you feel I.e. "I feel uncomfortable and I feel this is inappropriate. Could you please not do this in future?"

[Unregistered]

Personally it boils down to trust. If he has a logical explanation for his actions and is sincere then you don't have anything to worry about, it sounds harmless. The fact that he didn't hide or delete his messages shows that he isn't 'cheating', I'm assumuming he allowed you to access his phone. If you were snooping on his phone then that's wrong, you not married to him and that's a major invasion of privacy. Sounds like you doubtful though, and no ones opinion will matter. I maintain, when in doubt get out. Talk to him about it if you want this to work, it could really be an innocent thing you blowing out of proportion.

[poster]

the problem is that somethin like tHis has happened before, 3 times actually. and it was all forgiven. What i am scared is that things like this will keep happening. There may be no intention but is it appropriate.

[Unregistered]

No it is NOT appropriate! If he's doing this before marriage what will happen after marriage? Do u want 2 be that women that is desperately unhappy, always wondering whether ur husband is being faithful or not? This is where haraam leads, thus Allah almighty has prihibited such things. If we as his creation obeyed him, we would have so much less probs in our lives

[Unregistered]

Sometimes when you work in certain situations there are running office jokes and this is what it could be. An innocent something. I'm not sure if you work, and I'm sure there have been instances when you and your friends had a good giggle about a 'hot' dude, all in the name of fun. You say this has happened before, and you have discussed it with him. You are not married yet, so he is not committed to you. So I guess its a catch 22.

[Unregistered]

I just wana say that it sounds like u madeur mind up and u should let go and move on before commitments are made and families are involved. Cos by the sound of things, u not looking 4 a solution to get back with this bf, u looking 4 justification to break up with him.

[Unregistered]

It is NOT appropriate either for you or for the girl the comment is directed against. Making sexually explicit comments about a co worker with other o orders constitutes sexual harassment!!

[Unregistered]

Sweetheart, Place ur heart in Gods hands and he will place it in the hands of the man who deserves u.. Ur guy has a roving eye. If he disrespects u now, imagine when ure married to him with 1 or more kids. He will dump u for the firmer ass he admires.

[Unregistered]

I would not go ahead and marry him. He won't change. He would not be doing that if you meant everything to him.