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Thread: South African fathers???

  1. #1

    Wink South African fathers???

    Salams everyone

    I am married to a South African man and just wanted to know if it is a cultural or normal behavior for them to "baby" their kids?

    By "baby", I mean, when my son falls down he make a big drama about it "are you alright my bachoo??...sorry my baby!!" and puts band-aids on when not necessary at all or when my son goes to ride his bike he needs to wear his protective gear (I understand a helmet, but nothing more than that, unless he is in some sort of competition).

    I dont know, but could my husbands actions be the reason why my son cries for slightest things? My son also seems to always get his way with his dad, even though i ask him time and time again to not do or buy something for our son, he still does it (which is very frustrating at times)

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not a heartless mum, i want my children (esp my sons) to be strong, confident (and pious Inshallah Ameen).....i just don't want them running and crying every time he scratches his finger or knocks his knee (although i do magically fix scratched fingers and knocked knees with kisses ;D )

    I see getting hurt as part of growing up, whether it be falling off your bike, knocking your toe etc etc...I guess we were just bought up differently. What can i do to get my hubby to easy up on "babying"

    Would love to hear what your hubby is like with your kids

  2. #2
    My husband is actually not so bad with our daughter, so I don't think its a South African thing. We will only comfort her if she cries when getting hurt, if she falls and looks at us, we don't say anything and she gets up and carries on. Although I feel there's nothing wrong with a boy who is sensitive in nature, I feel we shouldn't "baby" them too much. By doing this we can sometimes instill fears in the child which they can carry through to adulthood, such as a fear of taking risks.

    As far as advice is concerned, maybe communicate often with your husband about your concerns, hopefully, he will understand eventually. And maybe also lead him with your example, if he sees how successful you are then maybe he will also be confident enough to let go a bit. All the best!

  3. #3
    I think it's a generalisation that you're making about South African fathers.
    I know a few South African fathers who don't behave that way at all.

    Perhaps your husband is just super-sensitive and can't handle seeing your child get hurt at all

  4. #4
    I have seen this with relitives personally I don't like to do that. When we fuss to much with the kids they tend to get away with pretending to have got hurt also. My husband knows I get angry so he won't fuss to much also. Speak to your husband and explain to him that what his doing is not right.

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