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Thread: getting married, could he still be using drugs

  1. #11
    Unregistered
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    Depends what type of drugs he using. Some drugs like heroine cause the pupils become small so nex time chek the eyes

  2. #12
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    Recovered alcoholic/drug user

    Salaams sister

    I speak from experience. I am a recovered alcoholic, who also used lots and lots of drugs. I am now 2 years and 8 months sober. I have been through rehabs, but I also now have a program which works 100%, the program of Alcoholic Anonymous. This is a spiritually based program. I have no fear of relapse.

    Please do not listen to people who say that a drug addict will never change. This is not true. I have recovered myself (though never cured) and I have seen so many others recover too. And believe me, I used "hard drugs." I personally know people with long term sobriety (20+ years). This is a fact.

    People can and do change. A guy having red eyes can mean nothing. From time to time my eyes are red too, which could mean any number of things. It is NOT a definite indicator of drug use. Obviously I would suggest you take certain cautionary measures, but please keep in mind that people can and do change. As you have already mentioned, do not discard the power of dua, coupled with a spiritual connection to our Creator.

    I am also planning to get married in a few months, Insha Allah, and my future wife and her family know all about me.

    I wish you all of the best Insha Allah

  3. #13
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    @ recovering alcoholic/drug user

    What precautionary measures do u mean? Tests also? Problem i have with it is its accuracy.

    N telling my parents? Theyre the exact opposite of open minded they will not hear anything after 'drugs' besides mum seen his eyes n said 'im not sayin he is doin anything but im gonna look in to it'

    So im letting her do her digging silently.
    She said either she digs the answer is no, they cant take the risk. i understand her position.

    My chances r slimhere actually but i do have hope he is clean.

    Can anyone tell me prominent signs of a user? I know diff types produce diff symptoms but for eg is the moody thing common to all?

  4. #14
    Unregistered
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    Well my mother found out yerterday that four years ago ge was using. thats the end of the story.

    Allah is the best of planners whoever he gets will be happy i know. he is the most attentive, supportive n selfless person i know.

  5. #15
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    Reply from recovered alcoholic/drug user

    Yes a random test at a time you may suspect something may confirm/deny the fact. Can do the quick urine test at a facility such as SANCA, or a more comprehensive blood test at a laboratory such as Lancet, etc. Do both, if you want reasonable assurance.

    There are so many signs, none of which are really conclusive or exclusive. Trying to determine based on signs will just drive you insane. You need to take the precautions (test, consult with a professional, etc) and then place your reliance and trust in Allah, and also trust this man if the results are satisfactory. You cannot live a life with someone if you do not trust them.

    With regards to telling your parents, that is your decision to make. For myself, I felt it was necessary that both she and her family know my history. That way nothing could ever come up at a later stage, all was disclosed.

    And Allah knows best, but you may actually be worried for no reason.

  6. #16
    Administrator Nanima's Avatar
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    May 2012
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    8,634
    there is one simple rule - when in doubt abstain. you are not married to this man and you are already feeling so much anxiety about this situation. is he on, is he not. do you really want to live your life wondering if he is on or off drugs.. if you so concerned about it now, when you married you will be 1000 times more worried about it always wondering is he or isn't he. I personally will read my istikharah and ask Allah for guidance. Ask yourself if you will be able to trust him. Always consult with parents and be open and honest with them, they always have your best interest at heart. Your life is a precious life. Make a decision to trust Allah knows best and seek his guidance. These thoughts unfortunately I think will always be playing in the background and if you go into a marriage with not trusting him,. Allah make it easy for you.

  7. #17
    Unregistered
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    The decision is taken out of my hands ... i dont have the option of blood tests or istikhara my mother found out and said the anwer is a definite no

    Allah is the best of planners but i dont feel relief. just like a hypocrite.

  8. #18
    Unregistered
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    "
    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Judging from ur last 2 posts I'd say u pretty much have ur mind made up and u do want to marry this guy, so why come ask for advice here? Its clear u think he's good for u , u dig ur hole u sleep in it! No such thing as drug addicts clearing themselves up iv been working with drug addicts and its a total failure. Once a drug addict always a drug addict! Places like RAUF and rehab centers alike think theyr doing people good, but iv seen drugs being sold at those places, don't make the mistake, but if ur minds made up then kindly dig a hole deep enough to fit u both in so as to keep ur future problems to urself. Also please and not bring children to this world if drugs are involvd. Love life is a fairy tale , slap urslef and wake up.
    "


    You have been working with drug addicts and have an attitude like that then my dear you are prob. the reason they still on drugs, You have seen drugs been sold at x y and z rehab. lucky you. this lady needs advice and has asked. This is the platform where a person can ask anything they want and its upto admin to supervise and tell people what to and if they can use the platform. I challenge you to prove that ALL addicts in recovery are still on and always will do drugs. i will prove all your stats wrong. @lady-in-love If he WAS on drugs its in his past ask if he would mind a random test if he agrees one day out of the blue ask him to do the test, if he still is on drugs leave him and DON'T look back, if he is clean you've found a person wit an addictive personality and that type of person could be addicted to anything and if its you he is addicted to then insha-allah he will always be and he will take care of you. pray istikhara do the checks and if its all good make nikkah and insha-allah you will be happy. because you are doing it for the right reasons. Allah knows best

  9. #19
    Unregistered
    Guest
    I want it to be him but what do i do when my parents made their decision... do i still do the test n take it to them ? Would that be wrong? Going against ones parents wishes?

  10. #20
    Unregistered
    Guest
    my dear sister; i understand your problem and i know how you feel. my fiancée was not doing drugs but was married previously and you know how families can be. there were a lot of tears and heartache but my fiancée and i persevered. my parents have come around after we talked about the issues. dont give up! i know it is hard and some days you will feel like its much easier to just give up and let go but think abt the moments when you talk to him or when you are with him. this mubarak month is coming up, ask Allah for guidance and help. if possible, ask him to speak to your parents and maybe attend nikah classes together and with your parents. our parents only want whats best for us after raising us, so guide them also. they dont know him they way you do, they dont listen to him the way you do. help them see what you see and in sha Allah, all will be well.

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