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Thread: struggling to be intimate

  1. #1
    Administrator Nanima's Avatar
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    May 2012

    struggling to be intimate

    This is a PG question
    I really need help
    Iím newly married for about 2 months now
    However ,when ever my husband decided to get intimate,I donít get turned on easily.
    But when his not around and I think about intimacy I feel nice and get turned on.
    Also itís been 2 months and things have not come right .
    Itís been really hard to get it inside me completely .
    I find it extremely painful and that is frustrating him a little ,bit he is patient
    I am young and do not have the courage to speak to anyone else .
    I am so desperate
    Please can someone assist me

  2. #2
    Foreplay. Make him finger you or lick you down there to turn you on

  3. #3
    Try using coconut oil for lubrication. Dont rush things- take your time. Make niyat before you start that your intention is to please your husband for the sake of allah.

  4. #4
    My wife had a similar problem and sometimes it still happens , however i am now a Doctor and i understand why it happens and how you can avoid it
    1. As everyone says its important to be turned on so foreplay is extremely important , your husband is probably new at this so maybe his not sure how , if u not to shy to , ask him to read up
    2. Your nervousness and high stress levels will contribute to your muscles tightening and your body not easily lubricating itself try to relax , take a deep breath , maybe try being ontop feeling in control of how deeply u penetrated may allow for ur muscles and body to relax , breath its important to breath......
    3. Pre plan , so instead of your husband initiating a session , maybe play with yourself abit , think about whatever makes you feel ďniceĒ and then when u wet and ready you initate a session , this will also show your husband you are trying and heíll be more patient ....

    Good Luck i hope this helps

  5. #5
    Lots of foreplay. Keep trying. He shouldnít expect to get off inside you until you successfully get him in. Each time a little deeper and Wait until heís super hard before going in. He should once you take him whack it in. Sounds sore and it is but trust me youíll get over the pain once he gets rhythm going. Then you cool. He should lick and finger until you sufficiently libricated though. Problem is you might get used to that and you may find it hard to orgasm any other way. But thatís the next challenge yay.

  6. #6
    To the previous responses, playing with yourself is masturbating which is haraam. Going down on each other is haraam.

    Let's not give this newly married woman wrong advice.

  7. #7
    To 50c Fatwa above, hisbis from Islam online:

    Wa`alykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh.

    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

    Dear questioner, thank you so much for your concerns about your religion and Allahís teachings even in what concerns your sexual life with your wife.

    As regards your question, it is to be noted, first of all, that all acts that aim at satisfying and pleasing the spouses are allowable so long as two things are avoided, that is anal sex and having sex with a wife while she is still in her menstruation. Thus, it is permissible for a husband and a wife to practice cunnilingus and fellatio. Following weíd cite the opinions of some well-known Muslim scholars in this regard:

    The eminent Muslim scholar,Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawistates:

    ďI was asked about oral sex in America and Europe when I began to travel to these countries in the early 70s. We are not used to be asked these questions in our Muslim countries. Those Western people are accustomed to stripping naked during sexual intercourse. These are communities of nakedness, and from the licentiousness of the woman that she wears nothing to screen her body in her daily life.

    So, they are in need of more excitements during copulation. However, men in our Muslim societies see nothing in the Muslim woman that can excite them on the basis of her wearing either Hijab (veil) or Niqab (face cover). But concerning whether being in complete nakedness during practicing copulation is lawful or not, the Prophet of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said,ďGuard your private parts except from your wife or your slaves.Ē

    Muslim jurists are of the opinion that it is lawful for the husband to perform cunnilingus on his wife, or a wife to perform the similar act for her husband (fellatio) and there is no wrong in doing so. But if sucking leads to releasing semen, then it is Makruh(blameworthy), but there is no decisive evidence (to forbid it).

    These parts are not dirty like anus, but it is ordinarily disgusting to man. But there is no decisive evidence to make it unlawful, especially if the wife agrees with it or achieves orgasm by practicing it. Allah, Exalted and Glorified be He, says: ďAnd who guard their modesty, save from their wives or the slaves, that I heir right hands possess, for then they are not blameworthy, but Who so craveth beyond that, such are transgressors.Ē(Al-Muíminun: 5-7)Ē

    In the light of this, scholars maintain that the husband is allowed to enjoy his wife through any means of enjoyment except anal sex, for that is strictly forbidden.

    Dr. Ali Jum`ah, professor of the Principles of Islamic Jurisprudence at Al-Azhar Univ., says further that licking, sucking and kissing spouseís sexual organs are all allowed, as long as it gives a person sexual gratification that will keep him away fromHaram (unlawful) or starring at opposite sex (marriageable). But every Muslim must keep in mind that sexual intercourse is just a lust and passion that must be satisfied in a lawful way; itís not to be perceived as necessary as foods and drinks, as itís the case in the Western perverted ideology.

    Shedding more light on this, Dr. Sabri `Abdul Raíouf, professor of Islamic Comparative Jurisprudence, at Al-Azhar Univ, says that itís allowed for the married couple to enjoy each other as long as what they do does not run counter to the teachings of Islam or violate the public norms. He also gives support to the view of Sheikh Al-Qaradawi that oral sex or kissing private parts of the spouse is something viewed disgusting to Muslims, but if the aim is just kissing (without having constant indulgence in it) itís not sinful to do that, but people of high morality normally keep away from that, as not to give in to imitating non-Muslims.Ē

    In conclusion, it has become clear now that oral sex is not prohibited, but it is not the normal choice for committed Muslims and Muslimahs. Thatís, despite that oral sex is not Haram, it is completely disgusting and does not conform to the pure taste and decency of a Muslim personality.

    Here, it should be noted that one of the main objectives of Shari`ah is to safeguard the life of people and keep them healthy. Based on this, if it is scientifically proven that oral sex or such practices cause mouth cancer or form a danger on the health of a person who practices it, then it becomes totally prohibited.

    So please donít make pronouncements.

  8. #8
    Poster if it doesn't get easier see a gynae, I was also used to painful encounters and it only resolved itself after having a baby and after that it's been much more pleasurable.

  9. #9
    Iv been through this.. took me a long time and it was painful and i used to close up because of being anxious about it. Dont ask how i fell pregnant but only after my first kid we really started to enjoy it. Try taking norflex its a muscle relaxant.

  10. #10


    True I agree with the last 2 comments. My wife was also in lots of pain before, but after she gave birth it became easier and more pleasurable. Use lots of lube and lots of practice makes perfect

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