no self confidence

Salaams, I have been divorced for over a year now and can't seem to get on with my life. I have aboslutely no self confidence. I have been through a lot these past 4 years. Firstly, I lost my baby boy, went through a lot of emotional abuse from my ex-husband, then I lost my mum and a few months later lost my brother. A few months later got divorced.I have been for councelling but still have a very low self esteem and no confidence at all. I had to stop the councelling due to affordability. Has anyone been through a similar situation and what did you do to get your life in order? Jazakallah

ws, Qadarallahu masha fa 'il - whatever Allah has decreed has happened. You can't change the past and have no control of the future but what you have to deal with is this moment. Now. first things first -
-. stop playing those old tapes in your head over and over and over again. When you see yourself thinking about the past - ask yourself two questions
1. Can I change it, how can I change it.
2. I can't change it - accept as the will of Allah and move forward

- we are now in the month of Ramadan and what better time to get close to Allah. Trust that Allah know what is best and whatever has happened has happened for a reason and his infinite knowledge, one day you will realise it was all for the best.
- fasting is also a good way to start controlling and balancing your life. It is there to teach us self restraint and self control. Learn to control your negative thoughts. Think about good things and positive things
- wake up tahajud time and speak to Allah and ask him to take you out of this rut
- Read more quran - with understanding and meaning
- You are not alone, Allah is with you all the time, speak to HIM as HE is always listening

اللَّهُمَّ أَجِرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَاخْلُفْ لِي خَيْرَاً مِنْه

Allahumma ajurni fee museebati wagh luf li khairum minha.

Oh Allah, recompense me for this affliction with something better than I have lost.
Insha Allah
Ameen

If you in Jhb,Islamic Careline has free counseling...inshalla Allah lighten your sorrows and burdens..try to decide who you want to be and work towards that..work?study? In the end we all face Allah and have to account for our time..Allah would not hav given you these challenges if you cold not be better after..hope things get better soon..I think he best ing is starting and you have done hat by looking for help..dont stop 'moving' continue praying and getting help and start something new

Salaams, Dr Nazmeera Khamissa is a psychiatrist in Pretoria who does some pro bono cases for young Muslim females in need of help. Go to website www.puremind.co.za for contact details. Email to state your case.

I m in similar situation.I have been through two divorces and m on antidepressants.It is a huge struggle going to work n supporting myself while in depression.I am also consumed by anxiety fear n grief and terrified of losing my mother who I live with..I have been for counselling and provides temprorary relief.I wish there was an organisation that helped muslim depressed women financially to provide some sort of relief or people out there who are merciful and willing to help.

Download this book in the Early hours - in the early hours inshaAllah it will put things in perspective. great book for personal and spiritual development. I was reading this yesterday and thought about this situation.

THE GOAL IN LIFESuccess and happiness in this world and the Hereafter depend on tazkiya, the purification and nurturing of our personality. The Quran states that true success is only reserved for those who seek to purify themselves:
Successful indeed is the one who purifies his whole self [ash-Shams 91:9]
Our personality comprises not only the physical body but also the mind and the heart, feelings and attitudes, character and behaviour. Proper nurturing and development of these elements of the personality will achieve desirable goals. When goals are desirable, the process of aspiring to, working towards and achieving them also become desirable. This is part of human nature. It is critical, therefore, that we recognise and understand the true nature of our ultimate goal in life.
For the Believer, the most coveted goal in life is to seek the good pleasure of Allah and Janna or Paradise. Our Creator has set this goal for us: And surely Paradise - it is the goal [an-Naziat 79: 41]; Indeed the Next abode - it is truly the life! [al-Ankabut 29: 64]; The companions of Paradise - they are the triumphant ones [al-Hashr 59: 20].
Know, however, that attaining the pleasure of Allah takes precedence over seeking Janna but the two are closely connected. Paradise can only be attained through seeking Allah's pleasure, and when Allah's pleasure is gained, we will indeed be granted Paradise. Reflect upon the following two verses in the Quran:
And there is a kind of person who would willingly give up personal interests, seeking Allah's pleasure; and God is Most Compassionate towards His servants.[al-Baqara 2: 207.]
Indeed Allah has purchased from the Believers their lives and their possessions, promising them Paradise, in return. [at-Tawba 9: 111.]
The alternative to attaining Paradise in the Hereafter is to be placed in Jahannam or Hellfire and to receive its punishments. The Quran states: But in the life to come: [it is either] severe suffering, or God's forgiveness and His goodly acceptance. [al-Hadid 57: 20.] What is it that makes a person deserving of such a suffering? The answer is to be found in the second part of the same verse: for the life of this world is nothing but an enjoyment of self-delusion [al-Hadid 57: 20.] Jahannam therefore, is for those who seek as their ultimate goal in life, not the pleasure of Allah or Paradise, but the enjoyment of worldly gains.
The pursuit of worldly gain is but a mirage. All worldly gains are left behind when you die. All that is on earth is bound to perish while Allah and His good favour will remain forever. It is for this reason that the Queen advises:
Vie with one another in seeking to attain to your Sustainer's forgiveness; and to a Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, which has been readied for those who have attained to faith in God and His messengers: such is the bounty of Allah which He grants unto whomever He wills -for Allah is limitless in His great bounty. [al-Hadid 57: 21.]
All your efforts in this world should therefore be focused only on seeking Paradise. It is the Promise
of the Almighty that:
You will only be rewarded fully for all your good deeds on the Day of Resurrection, and [on that Day] whoever will be drawn away from Hellfire, and admitted into Paradise, will indeed have triumphed [Ali Imran 3:185.]
THE FIRST STEP TO PARADISE
The first step in self development, then, is to concentrate single-mindedly on Paradise. Indeed, the one who is unsure of his destiny in life, torn between this world and the Next, like one standing with his feet in two separate boats - will be thrown off balance. Many of the difficulties that we face are due to this lack of commitment and inability to focus on the real and ultimate goal. If you can keep your focus on Janna, then everything else will be possible.
The selection of the ultimate goal of Paradise must be made consciously and may involve an absolute break with the past. To choose this new goal as the ultimate goal in one's life is in fact to choose a new life, to begin a new journey. Embark on this new journey by refreshing your wudu (ablution) and offering two rakas (units) of Salat or Prayer reminding yourself of all the punishment of Hellfire you have just resolved to avoid at all costs and all the rewards of Paradise that you will strive to achieve. Remind yourself also of the important stations and landmarks on the journey; imagine death as near; imagine the moment when the Angel of Death will declare, `your time is over, now you must follow me'; imagine that moment when you will be made to stand in the presence of Allah, Most High, so that the final judgment of life may be passed on you and imagine the consequences of that judgment. When you have completed the two rakas then resolve once more that all efforts will be directed towards achieving Paradise, beseech Allah and pray with humility:
O Allah, I ask for Your mercy and whatever brings me closer to it, in word and deed.
O Allah, I ask for a faith that will never vanish, a blessing that will never diminish, a pleasure that will never abate, and the most elevated position in Paradise distinguished by the companionship of Your Messenger, Muhammad.
While improvement in your habits and actions is a life-long process, the desire to achieve it can thus be sparked in a moment. This desire will provide the momentum for attaining your goal - the good pleasure of Allah and Paradise.

slmz...

it makes me sad to hear your situation.. more so because i am in a similar position. if there is some way we can chat wud be great to give each other positive support.

we have created a divorce support group.
1. you have to register first
2. once you register email me so I can invite you to the private group