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Topic Review (Newest First)

  • 15-09-2012, 11:14 AM
    Unregistered
    I myself don't hav the privilege of having my parents around therefore I'm leaving work. For anyone interested, in a muslim day mum how do I contact you?
  • 15-09-2012, 10:56 AM
    Unregistered
    I have been in the same position and let me tell you its not going to get better. My mil enjoyed making me feel left out. She loved the fact that the kids needed her and ignored me. It made disciplining my kids a nightmare cos she would always give in to their demands. I can't explain how I felt. When I tried to speak to her she threw me n the kids out of the house and told us not to come back. If I can give you advice take charge of the situation. If you can afford it rather stay home and raise your own kids. They grow up so fast. I'm still trying to undo years of damage my mil caused. Once kids are old enough to realize what's going on things just get worse. So pls resolve the situation for your benefit and your childs. Goodluck and may اللّه make it easy for u.
  • 14-09-2012, 03:04 PM
    Unregistered
    For d one that asked if any1 interested in a day mum. There's a huge market for muslim day mothers. Most of my friends includin myself don't hav d privelage of havin our parents around to help us
  • 14-09-2012, 02:42 PM
    Unregistered
    I understand exactly how u feel. I'm planning on leaving work so that I could look after my baby too. Seeing so many mums in a similar situation I'm seriously considering offering my services as a day mum. Just out of curiosity how many mums wud be interested in this service?
  • 14-09-2012, 01:42 PM
    Unregistered
    I seriously urge you to consider not leaving your baby with a nanny.children need and thrive on the love of their parents.if the parents are not around the next best thing is the grandparents.a nanny is unlikely to give your child the special love and attention that her Gran would.also from a Islamic perspective she is likely to learn more Muslim ways with the grandmother then a nanny unless that nanny Is a Muslim herself.

    What you should try to do is educate your mother in law in a gentle way.do not do it in a situation that leads too confrontations.empower yourself first with knowledge.so example we know that honey should be avoided for kids under one.so one day in passing say to her you know I read the most interesting thing- honey can actually harm a baby because of certain spores it has that babies can't ingest.your mil will never give the child honey then! Do the same for all future rules about junk food or whatever.

    You must remember that they raised children in a diferent world than ours.things have changed but she can't be expected to know.and so what of people ignore you? Your mil is as much a mother to your child as you are.no one is stopping you from responding when people ask questions.do it in a respectful way and no one will take offense.

    Lastly be kind to your mil- she is doing you a great service!
  • 14-09-2012, 12:17 PM
    Unregistered
    Perhaps people ask ur MIL coz they know baby is looked after her nevertheless they shouldn't undermine u. Try being assertive without comin across as rude. Any questions asked about ur child u should answer whether d quest was directed 2 u or not. U could find a nanny but think it thru! Ur MIL wil protect ur kid no matter wat. Finding a good nanny is not easy. N nannies work on set times so if u late to fetch ur child or u late 2 come home, its gonna b an issue. Regardless of issues, I believe d best care ur child wil get other than from u is from ur parents or ur husbands parents.
  • 14-09-2012, 12:06 PM
    Unregistered

    mum in law undermining authority

    Slmz sister,as much as I understand your frustration,I think u looking at the situation in the wrong light.You should be very grateful that you have your mum in law looking after your child, it is firstly in your childs best interest,as the love shown to her by her grandparent can't be compared to being looked after by a nanny.If your mum in law is happy looking after her and u happy with the way baby's being looked after, then leave baby in her care, after all she raised your husband didn't she?With regard to her undermining u maybe tell her in a nice respectful way that you are very grateful that she is looking after your baby however this is your first child and u would like to set rules and if she could respect that u would be most grateful,get hubby to back u. When it comes to family just ignore,and if they direct questions to her you answer and let them know that u do know about what's best for baby,it may come across as u being opinionated at first but they'll get the message.Don't let that upset u,as I doubt u have to see them often, don't feel humilaited at the end of the day u doing your best for your little girl,and I'm sure if u could have looked after her yourself u would have
  • 27-08-2012, 09:21 AM
    Toxic

    In laws are driving me MAD.. undermining my authority as a mom

    My MIL looks after my baby during the day.. needless to say she is stepping over the boundaries.. crossing the line.. undermining my authority as a parent and basically doing as she please with my child.. Another story for another day.. we are looking for a reliable nanny though.

    However, when we go to family gatherings.. I am ignored as my child's mother by everyone else.. If there's anything that is related to my child.. the extended family asks my MIL.. Like e.g. can she eat that apple? while in my presence.. I am totally dismissed

    This is one of the many situations.. How do I handle this? I don't want to come across as rude or insecure.. but I want to make my point firm.. I am the mother.. Anything related to my child HAS to come pass me.

    Like e;g; they will give her crisps without asking me if it's ok. (she is 10months old) Some will ask MIL. or MIL will say to others, give her this or it's ok for her to do that..

    The only way I can think of not being in a situation like this is to avoid the family gatherings or just show my face for an hour then leave..

    It breaks my heart that I am undermined as a mother.... and I feel humiliated.

    Any advice on how to handle this situation will be much appreciated.

    Thanks

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