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  • 04-06-2012, 08:32 PM
    response from Steel -
    u are not alone. i too was abused, insulted hurt by my husband in the early years of my marriage. i am married 25 years. not only did i have to go thru **** with him. every time his mom complained to him about me - it was another beating. with no where to go and with two little kids - i just accepted this as my life. to the world my husband was perfect. he cared for everyone, showed them kindness and love. but at home behind closed doors myself and my kids lived with a monster.i used to always pray, make dua and cry on the musallah and ask/complain to Allah - that how cud Allah let me live a life like this. well - u know they say that Allah always hears and answers the cry of the oppressed. My husband then lost his job and became totally dependant on me. All those he ran behind showing his love and kindness shunned him. why - becoz he mite ask them for money - they showed their true colours. i had to pay all the bills, see to the kids. in other words i took over all his responsibilities and he without his job and money was nothing but a shell of a useless man. his mother started worshipping me and running behind me. too little too late.from that day onwards they dynamics in my marriage have changed. from that day he stopped beating me, started treating me like a human. BUT U KNOW WAT - MY HATE FOR THIS DOG NOW IS WORSE THAN EVER. I CANT STAND HIM AND HAVE ASKED HIM for a divorce. i told him that i want him out of my life. he seems shocked. he says he has nowhere to go. when he can get back on to his feet he will leave. my kids hate him - even though they big now the hurt and damage and seeing me beaten up by my husband - has caused them to have no respect for him.i sometimes ask myself. Allah has punished this man. i had no money and no job. i found a fantastic job and earn a gr8 salary and i have now becum totally independant. who did that for me - Allah. i stayed with him for my kids - today they the most amazing kids even though they grew up in this abusive home - who helped me with this - Allah. So if Allah has punished my husband and taken care of me so well WHY THE HELL DO I STILL FEEL THIS HATE FOR THIS MAN !!!i sometimes feel that i am possessed. hate hate hate for this husband. no matter how good he is to me now -the images of his hands on my throat, the kicks, the punches, the indifference when me and my kids used to cry. they say we must forgive coz Allah is all forgiving - but how do u forget. do u have to suffer from amnesia for the memory of the abuse to be wiped out from your mind. i have tried everything, excercising, making an effort to tell my mind to focus on the NOW and forget the PAST, making zikr, i occupy myself to the point of exhaustion so i dont have this recurring image and hate building up inside me. sometimes the hate is so strong that i fear i might do something to harm him...............So u see sisters - u are not alone with this deadly emotion HATELA ILLAHA ILLA ANTA SUBHAANAKA INNI KUNTUM MINAZ ZALIMEEN.....
  • 04-06-2012, 08:32 PM
    Response from Nicole:

    My dear, i thought i was the only one that feels this way... when i was younger i was molested by my mothers BF, i kept quiet about it for a long time and when i finally told my mom she said he was much younger that time and it wont happen again. he was the second person to do it, my mothers brother did it when i was not even 10 yrs old and i was scared to say anything. when i did... i was told it happened a long time ago and she cant confront him about it!!!
    I am now a mother of 2 boys and expectant. for the past 3 months i have become bitter! feel the exact same as you do, i look at my mother and i hate her for not protecting me! i looking at him and get sick for what he did and fear for my children as they are now growing up around the very person that abused me!everyday i hope and pray that the lord will forgive me for hating and make me stop hating but its like what happens replays in my head all the time. no matter what i do i think about it, i try and shift my focus and this nasty ugly thing just finds its way back, i try to sleep but cant stop thinking about it. i try and be intimate with my husband and it feels like it is wrong of me to be opening up to my sad as i am for you going through this... somehow, it feels a bit comforting that i am not the only one with this horrible feelings
  • 04-06-2012, 08:31 PM

    Consumed by Hate

    I was abused and oppressed very badly in the past, few years ago. I am not in that relationship anymore. However, lately i am so overwhelmed by hate for this person. Like a delayed reaction. It is eating away at me like a disease. i cant eat, cant sleep. i live a life that feeds on this hate. i have been for counselling. even during salaah i am distracted by vicious hate. Hate is in my mind all the time. Is there something i can read to ease this pain - coz in my heart i know the hate i feel is for myself for allowing this abuse to take place. Why cant i let the past remain in the past. Please make dua for me.

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