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Topic Review (Newest First)

  • 06-11-2012, 09:43 AM
    Unregistered

    do not see advice as interference

    you have a baby now, and your guidance in your childs life, will be from birth until u die. so one day, u will continue to advise your child, even when they are married. hope that your childs inlaws wont see u as "interfering" then. daughter inlaws r quick to mistake guidance as intereference, if the guidance does not suit them.

    be mature about the situation. if your friends had to advise u, you would not see it as intereference. and do not look at the petty little issues as to how your mil relayed the message that her domestic will see to your child.

    in sensitive situations, its easy to get ahead of oneself and start feeling despondent.
    we each have alot to learn from our mothers, and mother inlaws. they have years of experience in life, and situations. and its also not easy for them, to have daughter inlaws who were raized in backgrounds diff to theirs. and sometimes they also do not know how to deal with or communicate to the daughter inlaw, without the dil misreading the the situation and feeling hurt or taking things the wrong way.

    we have a lot to learn from each other. no one is perfect, and we all need to work on our tolerance of people, in order to lead happy lives, esp if its family involved.
  • 06-11-2012, 09:28 AM
    Unregistered

    parents just want whats best

    slmz,

    parents just want whats best for their kids. as u want whats best for your baby, your mil also wants whats best for her son, and her grandchild.

    does not mean becoz she does not see things the same way as u, that she is wrong. try to understand her love and care for you and ur husband and child. she is offering her domestic to help. plus she works. if she didnt work, im sure she would have offered to look after your child. see the good in people, and not the bad. just because the help u looking for, doesnt come in the way u think it should,does not mean the person offering it is in the wrong.

    people grow up from diff backgrounds, and its important to respect everyones viewpoint. be grateful u have a caring mother inlaw. even if it seems like she is dictating your life. some people are not fortunate enuf to have known their parents, husbands parents, and their kids are not fortunate enuf to have grandparents.

    its difficult when faced with a situation like this, to actually see the bright side of things. and its easy for us on the outside to judge, we dont know what we would have done when in ur shoes, but im just saying......try to look for the good in a situation, esp if the person is trying to help u.

    you dont have to agree with the help, and u can decide what is best for your child. but dont hold a grudge against you inlaws for having an opinion. we all have opinions :-).

    you know what is best for your child, as u are the mother. IA hope all works out.
  • 29-10-2012, 03:20 PM
    Unregistered
    as a guy , thats why i fear getting married , with dictating parents
  • 25-10-2012, 02:32 PM
    Unregistered

    Shukran

    Shukran to those you who have given me positive advise. And to the person that wrote "You are so misguided". Please read before commenting and do not comment at all if you have nothing constructive to say. And by the way the mil works. Another thing do not go around judging a person just because they asking for advise. I mean look how you turned out. Can not even read a paragraph and understand!!.
  • 24-10-2012, 03:48 PM
    Unregistered
    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    If you have such a BIG problem with how your mother-inlaw raised her kids why did u marry your husband?? Also why is it ok for u to leave your husband and have your mum raise your child while u work but u hav a problem with your mil raising ur child? by the looks of it your mil will do a better job than ur mum - just look how u turned out!

    there r always two sides to every argument!
    the mil wants the domestic to look the child....read properly before u start arguing gosh!!!!!!
  • 24-10-2012, 12:10 PM
    Unregistered

    You are so misguided

    If you have such a BIG problem with how your mother-inlaw raised her kids why did u marry your husband?? Also why is it ok for u to leave your husband and have your mum raise your child while u work but u hav a problem with your mil raising ur child? by the looks of it your mil will do a better job than ur mum - just look how u turned out!

    there r always two sides to every argument!
  • 23-10-2012, 02:53 PM
    Unregistered
    You have the right attitude. No amount of money is worth what you yourself will teach your child. Time enough to work later. When your hubby brings it up just mention this fact in a non confrontational way and tell him that you are content with what he earns. A mothers presence is priceless. The little things like istinja, saying bismillah etc a domestic will never take as seriously as you. When your in laws bring it up also mention these things casually. And stay firm in your decision and don't allow anyone to get to you. Good luck. You are making the right decision and don't let anyone convince you otherwise
  • 23-10-2012, 10:41 AM
    Unregistered

    Common

    Slm sister. Inlaws interfering is very common. Its what tore my marriage apart. So I advise you do whatever you can do save your marriage. Its best to move away from both parents. Parents have a unique influence on their kids. I can identify with this. Speak to your husband and make him understand how you feel. Communication is very important. Hope things work out for you people.
  • 22-10-2012, 12:54 PM
    Unregistered

    Inlaws keep telling husband what to do

    Salaams all. I am married for 4 years this year. I was working before i had a baby. I left work since my baby was born. Shes now 2 and half years old. when my baby was born my in laws was busy making plans for my baby to stay at their home with there domestic helper.(i wasn't directly told. this was told to their helper in my presence)( And we were not living with them, we were renting ). I refused i resigned and stayed at home with my child.My belief is that you can always make money but you can not get back your child's childhood and everything they do as babies. Shukran to the almighty my husband has bought a house a year ago. Things maybe a little difficult now and then financially but there is not a day where we run out of food or anything that we need shukran to the almighty for this.( i do not have a domestic worker, i do everything in our house). But my in laws keep on telling my husband to send me to work till today reason being my mother in law left her children with a domestic helper from the time they were babies. She want me to do the same. Every-time my husband goes there he comes home, a few days later he always has something to say.(husband can never refuse his parents for the world) Ya Allah (swt) please help me. My mum lives very far. sometimes i just want to leave him, take my child and go stay near my family. Leave my child with my mum and go to work.I love my child so much. Just the thought of leaving her makes my heart cry. Please advise what do u do? why do in laws always have to interfere?

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