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Unregistered
30-11-2012, 07:17 PM
Slm
This may be really stupid but from reading all the posts about husband and wife problem freaks me out on getting married
I was so determined to marry young but if I do what are the chances of even staying with the person these days, doesnt seem to work

So I just wanted to know from all the couples who are happily married, hows it going? Is marriage really as bad as people make it out as?
Do the inlaws treat you like dirt and how was the first few months of marriage?

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 02:45 PM
Marriage is wonderful hard work. Before anyone considers Marriage they should really be comfortable with themselves. Know who you are and what you want out of life. You need to be mature. People mature differently so someone who is 21 can be mature and may be ready for marriage but that does not mean that every 21 year old is mature and ready for marriage. You will know you are mature when your family and friends treat yu as an adult. Don't get married because other people are married, get married when you want to and when you are ready!

Then before the engagement or even the commencement of the wedding planning you and your future partner MUST read Salaatul Istikhara. It will guide you and help you make a decision. This is the most important thing to do even before getting to know your husband. If you truly believe in Allah and his guidance then reading this will give you the answer of whether to marry him or not.

Then it is important that you prepare yourself mentally for marriage. From the moment you get married it isn't about you anymore. You have a husband, and he has a wife. Apart from your families, you two are the most important people on your lives. You have to be open, honest and communicate everything except nonsensical things of course. Both of you must shed any me me me attitude. He or she might be different to what you are used to and you have to be open to that. The worst thing yu can do is be blunt about bad habbits or what you consider to be bad. Be tactful and lead by example.

With the family, unfortunately some mothers and sisters do not see the fact that the wife is just a new sister or daughter and must be treated that way. The best thing for you do to in a situation like that is never be confrontational, never tell your husband how his family or at least say it in a way that doesn't make it sound like you are causing trouble. Never take him away from his family. If he wants to go there, go with him. Put a smile on your face, be friendly but firm. Never let anything faze you, because that will be weakness in their eyes.

Shower you husband with love and attention and he will return you love. Read your sallah and make dua that he keeps his Nikkah vows, protects you and stops wrongs or injustices against you and your children.

Also if you suspect that your boy friend or fiance (if arranged) could be less mature or might not be ready for marriage then suggest that he see and speak to a moulana. They will be able to speak him and get him ready for marriage.

Also don't read what other people write and fear the worst, every person is different and has different experiences. Just make dua Allah (SWT) place you with a good husband and good family. Inshallah.

Happily Married
01-12-2012, 03:43 PM
Marriage is what you make of it. Like life in general, marriage also has its ups and downs but its how u handle it that's important. As for inlaws, just remember that they are your husbands parents so try and maintain a good relationship with them at all times no matter what. Sabr is an important factor, which u should keep in mind always. At the end of the day Allah is always with you, supplicate to him and InshaAllah you will always be happy.

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 04:15 PM
Slmz. Marriage is a beautiful bond shared between two ppl with so much love to share. There are ups and downs as with any other relationship. The most important thing is to have an understanding with each other. I am newly married and young n I am blessed with amazing inlaws bcoz I show them the love n respect I do with my parents. Its really about what u make of it.

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 05:00 PM
I married when I ws 19 2 the dismay of many of my friends and relatives who thought I was far too young! However, 10 yrs laters myself and my hubby are still very much in love-if not more than we were iinitially! Now we have 2 amazing children and life is blissful! We share all roles and responsibilities. He sees 2 the kids, does diapers, bath-time and feeds them, we see nothing as its my job 2 do certain things, cos he works! We both work and support each! Its all about team-work and putting each other 1st! I'm blessed to hv wonderful in-laws who neva interfere and thus I love them 2 bits and we all get along very well! I love being married, I'm glad I neva waited! Marriage is what u make of it! Alhumdullilah I am so blessed 2 hv a wonderful husband and family

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 06:27 PM
My husband and I had a long engagement and got to know each other very well. We were together 4 years before we got married, we've been married a year. Every couple fights but it's all about respect. Respect yourself, respect your partner. We only got married wen we were 25, and we knew ourselves as individuals. In our case, that's what helped.

Unregistered
02-12-2012, 06:49 AM
I got married at 24 and my wife was 22. The first year of marriage was the hardest...getting use to each other etc.

Unregistered
03-12-2012, 09:24 AM
Jazakallah for all the feedback everyone. And happy you guys are loving married life :)

I guess I am just worried about his family liking me

Unregistered
05-12-2012, 01:58 PM
Remember like with all people, you cannot control how they view you. From your side, do everything expected of you and more. Remember to them you are an outsider, and it will take time for them to treat you like family. Don't give advice or offer suggestions unless asked, be careful about disagreeing with your mil's opinions, I usually just nod and agree, most times they want somebody on their side, some validation. Unless it conflicts directly with your beliefs just say yes. Don't talk too much, be quiet and reserved till you get to know them. It may seem like strange advice, but it helped with my in laws (they are all strong, opinionated women, and I am the 1st daughter in law). Good luck, don't stress, may you have wonderful in laws.

Unregistered
03-07-2013, 11:56 AM
Yah, you should be careful, there is a damn good reason why there are soo many divorces these days.

Unregistered
05-07-2013, 05:58 PM
Marriage is what you make of it. Treat your in laws as your own parents. Before you get married, make lots of dua for a good, mature, kind, pious partner. A good spouse makes all the difference in the world.
I know many people who are very happy in their marriages, the people whose problems you read about are just a handful. In Sha Allah, may Allah grant you the perfect partner!