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Unregistered
30-11-2012, 12:59 PM
Salaam,

My husband had an affair a year ago with an old school friend. Its been over for some time now. I've been keeping an eye out on her through facebook and twitter, I know she still wants him from the posts that I read.

My problem is I can't stop looking at her facebook and twitter pages. Everytime I look at it, it affects me emotionally and I am not healing. How do I get myself to stop "cyber stalking" her. I want to so I don't put myself through torture, but I also want to keep an eye out on her. Please help. I'm desperate.

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 02:06 PM
Waslaam Sister.
You talk mostly about the other woman, what about your husband? Do you trust him again? What he did was terrible and extremely untrustworthy. It seems that you are trying to see if he goes back to her by spying on her. If that is the case, then you need to speak to him and explain to him what you are feeling and that he needs to start proving to you that you can trust him.

It is undoubtedly a very tough time for you, it would also be advisable to speak to someone or perhaps go with your husband for counselling to a marriage counsellor. It is good to have a moderator that is impartial so you and your husband can air feelings and thoughts.

Marriage is not easy, it needs constant work, attention and open communication.

May Allah (SWA) make it easy for you and give you the strength to power through and bring back the love and light in your marriage.

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 04:04 PM
slms sister, i just wanna ask, do u trust ur husband? how did u start trusting him again? i suggest u block her from ur facebook and twitter, and everytme u have an urge to go see what she's upto jus make zikr and read alot of "astaghfirullah" after a while u won't be tempted to keep an eye on her

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 07:37 PM
Sister, I can imagine how difficult it is for you. It is only natural that you feel like you have to be on high alert and keep a look out for the same thing happening again. I would think that the issue here is not so much this other woman but the issue of trust with your husband. Rightly so, you don't trust him. But in order to move on and for your own peace of mind, you will have to decide if you can truly trust him ever again or if you need to move on. The point is that no matter how the other woman feels, you should ideally trust your husband enough to know he won't repeat his mistakes. That is easier said than done of course. So for your sake and for the sake of your future relationships, my suggestion would be to seek our professional guidance in your healing. Whether it be counselling, or body talk or something else. Take that step in creating a healing for yourself.
May Allah SWT make it easy for you and grant you all the happiness. Ameen

Unregistered
01-12-2012, 09:22 PM
Salaams dear sister, I'm in the same boat, except he had an affair for a little longer. I couldn't move past it because I feel she robbed me of precious years.

I was like you, checking out her profiles etc. I think she knew that, because she would deliberately post hurtful stuff, like what she did wasn't shameful enough. This would cause my husband and I to fight. I finally blocked her and am so much happier.

My healing is a little easier because my husband has TRULY repented, and is genuine in his love for me. He's working harder than me to make our marriage work, its been over a year already. Whenever I do feel down, I take comfort in the fact that instead of walking out, I didn't let my home break, and couldn't face making the Arsh of الله shake by getting divorced. For my sabr, I can feel I am being rewarded with so much good in my life. In a strange way, everything is even better than it ever was.

Take comfort in duaa, what's done is done. It cannot be erased, but you can focus on the rest of your life. Don't allow a lowly woman like her live rent-free in your head! Delete and block, else you will never let go. (Hugs)