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Unregistered
16-12-2013, 11:21 PM
Salaams

I am interested to know the views or opinions by others with regards to the topic of housework,

Alhamdulillah I am married for 5 years now and I love my spouse to bits but I just cannot understand
why she cannot get into the groove of housework, she spends hours on her blackberry or computer but
cannot take out a little time to do basic housework. We have a domestic who works twice a week, and
everything is left for the domestic to do, washing, ironing, dishes, sweeping, mopping.

Everything is just dumped, there is no order or pride in neatness, YES if visitors are coming then anything
visible is made invisible and that too by any means necessary :) open every cupboard or draw
or fridge of freezer and my blood pressure just rises, in the beginning of our marriage this was an
issue and we use to have fights and arguments all the time, people told me I was being unreasonable
and in time she will learn and it will become part of her so I stopped arguing and fighting and just kept
calm and swallowed every comment or question I had, YES there where times when I slipped up and a
comment or question did escape my mouth but overall I succumbed to the advises and mellowed down,
but these days it is becoming more and more unbearable, and again my spouse complains when i'm working
overtime or if I have to work late etc, she says she is all alone at home or she is always at home, but the
way I see it is if you maybe took some pride in your home and tendered to it then maybe you would enjoy
the comfort and warmth of a "home" . . . Right now it seems like a dungeon but thats only because you make it one.

I would love to hear peoples advises or feedback on this issue as honestly I feel this is what is driving us apart.

Shukran

Unregistered
18-12-2013, 04:48 PM
Does your wife work?have you yourself attempted to do any of the house work?

Lost-witness
11-02-2015, 01:27 PM
When u made Nikkah u payed Mehr as a promise to look after ur wife and the best form of charity is spending on ur wife (Not in a wastely way)
Your muslim wife is under absolutely no obligation to lift a finger around the house, in fact ur meant to offer her cooked meals, When any wife does the smallest of things for her husband it is out of the goodness of her heart and not cos she has to.. she is also greatly rewarded for that.

This may seem unfair if u dont understand the beauty of our religion. Keeping ur promise earns u her respect and marital rights. Her duty is towards looking after ur bedroom needs and towards ur children (Raising them, not washing thier clothes)
She looks after ur property, but is allowed to give away from it without telling, giving away is also looking after u cos it brings more barkat into the home
She guards her modesty, where she doesnt allow strange men into ur home and leaves it only with ur permission

At the end of the day, surely u didnt marry her to get ur house cleaned? Cos then u needed a full time maid and not a wife

All woman are not equal and far from perfect- some are great at sewing and cooking but suck in the bedroom.. U have chosen a wife that happens to be far from a domestic queen, however she probably has other great qualities- look at the good and stop stagnating on the housework, marriage is hard and there will always be disputes, so why upset urself about silly things like who does the housework, as long as it gets done this should not be ur concern- the running of the home is her department and how she chooses to go about it is part of what makes her special.

Also a question u should ask urself- No matter how clean u leave ur work desk, u telling me u look forward to going there and sitting there the next day? I highly doubt it.. Housework is repetitive, same thing over and over, giving her a break, or her getting out of the house more gives one a fresh perspective and an appreciation for the home and tending to it

Also it seems like she misses having fun with u as a couple, take her out to the zoo or whatever, hold hands, etc, and I promise u she will also start wanting to do things that make u happy