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Unhappy
09-12-2013, 01:06 PM
I have been married for a year - I am desperately unhappy with the way my husband treats me that I am thinking of packing my bags and leavings. In the time we have been married, I have dedicated all my time to serving him and our child and hardly take time out for myself. I hardly go out with my friends, because on the two occasions that have gone out (twice in whole year) I have had to deal with so much slack from him - he accused me of disresecting HIS house and HIS mom (who was around on one occasion when I went out because I had been taking care of her for a couple of months because of ill-health) and his son because I took time out to spend with my freinds. The first occasion (June this year) I left the house at 16h00 to have a supper with freinds at a restuarant we had booked for a 18h00 supper date - I came back at 21h00 - I had made tons of food and left it in the fridge for them to warm up and eat while I was out. The second time around, he was away for work and I was left with my mom-in-law; son and nanny. I took my mom-in law to see a doctor (she had been ill for quite some time and I had been pushing my husband for us to take her to a doctor as she was not getting adequate care at the public hospitals she had been visiting) - the doc diagnosed her with an inflammed nerve and gave meds. Relaxed in the knowledge that my mom-in-law was not seriously sick - I went out (Dec this year) to a pre-organised lunch and supper social with my friends and came back home at 23h00. On both ocassions, my husband knew where I was and with whom and what we were doing.
Because I went out, I have been told (via an email, where he laid down the law) to decide whether I want to stop behave like a unmarried woman who disrespects HIS house, mother and Son by taking time out and if not, I will no longer be a part of his life and that he will not discuss this with me - this is another issue in the marriage is that there are no discussions, I am told how to behave even when Ive appraoched him with things he's said / done which have hurt me.
I am a newly-wed and have no experience but I dont think this is how a marriage should be and even though I am hurting - I'd rather be hurting alone and have told him and his mother I am moving out. His response was - "I am tired of your threats, do whatever you feel is right"
I am unhappy, I dont want to give up the marriage but at the same time, staying under these conditions is going to drive me insane

Unregistered
28-12-2013, 08:14 PM
assalamualykum.
respected sister, very sorry to hear about your living conditions, may Allah make ifta easy for you.
packing your bags and going in all possibilities will make the situation worse. I strongly suggest your discuss with your local imam or other senior alim before any drastic moves are made.
whilst I understand your situation and not for a moment do I undermine it, the fact it couples with bigger problems have worked around it.
turn to Allah in salaah and recite ya wadodo in abundance.
may Allah make it easy