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Unregistered
05-10-2013, 09:37 PM
Slms

My hubby dsnt work in town, he comes home once a week, once in 2 weeks etc. He drinks alcohol n smokes weed. My inlaws r late. We v kids. Recently we had a brief meeting but nothing really came of it. He says he can't leave his current job n earn less than wat his earning. He gives me a hard time sumx dsnt call me or sms me, its like I v to do it then he will reply etc. The same goes for the kids. I v to play mum n dad.

I feel I shud get divorced coz of all the ongoing probs but worry bout kids n not sure wat to do.

Sum say get divorced others say stick it out.

Pls advise anyone else been in a similar situation

Joburger
14-10-2013, 02:45 PM
I am not in a similar situation, but I do empathize with you. It must be very difficult to be in a marriage without all the benefits of the marriage: love, companionship, emotional support, assistance around the house, physical and emotional satisfaction, assistance in bringing up the children & dealing with daily challenges of life. Apart from your husband's bad habits (alcohol and drugs consumption), from what you say, he does not seem to be interested in the marriage or in his children for that matter. What is the purpose of remaining in the marriage when neither you nor your children are gaining any benefit from that marriage. Will it make any difference to your children if you divorce? From what you say regarding your husband's absence and lack of interest in the family, probably not. Think about what is in your best interest and in the best interest of your children. If you divorce, your husband will still be able to visit the children when he is in town. I would suggest that you seek advice from a marriage counsellor before you make a decision. But remember, you do not have to remain chained in an unhappy marriage.

Unregistered
18-10-2013, 11:08 PM
Plz sister do yourself n your kids a favour get out of this marriage .Its not healthy for u or your kids .Trust me he will never change .Allah make it easy for u .

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 09:50 AM
Alcohol n weed?! Thats better for your kids to see than a mum thats strong n does what she must? A loving home doesnt need two parents - it takes stability,safety n consistency for children to thrive..really sister,talk to someone at Islamic careline make a plan to get out .

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 10:07 AM
As muslims the last resort is talaaq. We have to do everything possible in our power to save marriages. Go seek advice from a moulana. Council him. Maybe there is something deeply troubling him. Maybe he has lost his way. Help him find his way back to Allah , we live in a very sinfull way...every1 of us. Don't condem some1 unless u have tried everything! Does he abuse u? Or the kids? Is he cheating? There is still a lot to consider. Yes drinking and drugs is totally haraam. Bt why is he doing this? Deen...I understand that u feel lost and alone. But try every option possible. Once u have...walk away if there is № change. A wife has many rights to walk away from a marriage.

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 10:14 AM
The situation you are in is very unhealthy. Your husband needs guidance and needs to reevaluate his life. My advice to you is to seperate from him before you ask for divorce. He must utilise the time to decide if the fun his having is more important than having a home and the baraqah and goodness that comes with that responsibility. He must be financially responsible to you family as you will still be married and you in that time will heal and things become clearer for you. You will need to get family memnbers involved and be clear that should he not change in the time you seperate you would like a divorce.

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 10:34 AM
Hi do what is best for you and ur kids, don't stay in a marriage "for the kids sake" at the end of the day you and them will be scared, being single is no more a tabu in indian families anymore, I'm getting divorced and I'm doing it for me n my kids to have a better life, women are strong, so stand up against this abuse, and lead a better and happier life, you only live once make it memoriable and not missarable

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 02:32 PM
This is not a question that gets asked in a healthy marriage. The fact that you're asking it should tell you that deep down you already know the answer. Your children are a trust from Allah, you need to do right by them. What kind of role model is he to them? Be strong, find the courage to do what is right for YOU!

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 04:43 PM
We know talaaq is our last resort, we live in a time where so much has changed. Surely he wasn't doing the drinking and weed at the time of marriage, find the root of this problem, lay down ur rules, if he truly wants change he will change, if not walk away knowing you tried your best. Children learn by example, stand your ground so that they don't end up doing to their partner what they see now. You are stronger then u think, take the first step for our own happiness, u happy the kids will be happy with u!!! Allah give u sabr and strenght, aamen

Unregistered
21-10-2013, 09:19 PM
The islamic careline is more than willing to help. (011) 3738080