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Unregistered
16-07-2013, 02:35 PM
Salaams all. I've been married for just over a year now. I have one sister in law who refuses to let go of her brother (my husband). She's constantly minding our business, constantly foning to ask him what we are doing, where we are going. She's married an has a family of her own, but she doesn't leave us alone at all. I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer. I feel very neglected by my husband, and it feels as if his married to her rather than to me. He shares details with her that I don't even know about, and then wen I'm asked about it by my mil, it seems like I'm the idiot n my husband and i don't communicate. My sister in law lives about 20 min away from us, and yet it feels as if she's in our lives and even in our bedroom 24/7. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I have other brother in laws that are also married, but she seems over posessive with my husband becos he got married a little bit late. She's very bossy and very domineering. I've tried talking to my husband about this and he just sides with her all the time. I want a divorce and I want out, so that he can then go and be with his sister 24/7. Marrriage isn't supposed to be this agonising, its supposed to be blissfull. But I've had about enough of this woman. Talking to her won't help, because she's been put on a pedastal by her entire family and they don't feel she's wrong in anything she does. I feel very alone and very neglected. What should I do? Please help :(

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 09:47 AM
How easy it is for people to ask for divorces these days.

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 09:48 AM
Don't jump into a divorce, marriage should not be taken that lighly. Instead go home for a while, tell your hubby how you feel n that he must decide what he wants either he puts his foot down or marries his sister. Tell him that you want to go home for a while, n let him miss you, let him feel your absence n what its like without u. If he doesn't do anything thereafter let him marry his sister since she's so stuck up his arse. Good luck, hope it all works out for you

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 10:02 AM
Hi , I have been there before. Im now divorced(Not just bcoz pf her). You need to sit ur husband down and tell him exactly how you feel. And if he doesnt feel for u or understand where you coming from then u knw wer you stand. Its really annoying i know exactly how you feel. Hang in there..

Naeem
17-07-2013, 10:05 AM
Wslm

May Allah assist you in this condition

You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?

As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.

I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:

> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"

This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.

I hope you find this fruitful.

Salaam

anon.
17-07-2013, 10:23 AM
How easy it is for people to ask for divorces these days. well how hard can it b 4a Husband to make his wife a priority. Nobody shuld go thru dis bul****!!!!!!!!

aniseeds
17-07-2013, 10:44 AM
I'm in a very similar situation at the moment. My sister in law is the youngest after 3 boys and yet she she runs the household. She has an intensely domineering personality and calls the shots at home even though she is married and out of the house. We had a falling out just recently because she went from relative to relative talking badly about me and lied through her teeth. She used to say very negative things about me to my own husband. its seemed her intention was to cause problems in our marriage. Seems this problem is universal. Her brothers are much older than her but become paralysed when she yells at them for "being bad sons" (her opinion). My mother in law considers her daughter to be a saint. Her attitude is affecting my marriage and my relationships with other family members. I've spoken to my husband about how I feel, he says he will sort it out but it's been months since and it's almost as if he's trying to avoid rocking the boat. I decided to take things into my own hands and confront her in a decent manner. Needless to say, she didn't take it very well. However, I do feel better now that she knows where I stand with regard to this situation. Her involvement in our lives has lessened. She still speaks about me behind my back but I prefer that than having her be actively involved in my marriage.

What I've learned from this is that we can't wait for our husbands or anyone else to remedy the situation. Instead taking things into our own hands helps to empower us and therefore set the precedent for the future. I'm in no way suggesting that you be rude to her or start a fight, but standing up for oneself can be done in a respectful manner.

We don't speak anymore apart from greeting but to be honest, my life is a lot more peaceful now that she's made the decision to take that vow of silence lol

I hope for your sake your husband realises her wrong doings before its too late.

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 11:04 AM
Don't take yr sister in laws crap!! If her family loves her let them have her! For some reason daughters are treated like precious items and parents don't see when they do wrong but when u do 'wrong' the world crashes. Tell yr husband if he's a man wake up or tell him to go live with his sister!! Best thing is to tell her to shove off , the family might not like u much after but you'll get the point over!! Gudluck

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 11:13 AM
salaams buy some cds that have marital advice by mufti menk
excellent to listen to and play it while driving or when you bought will be listening
insha allah some sense will come to him.Marriage is not easy one needs to work on it,
divorce is not your solution .If drugs and women were the problem ok divorce
there are excellent books on the rights of wives .MUFTI MENK AND MANY OTHER
MOULANAS HAVE CDS ON MARRIAGE TRY AND GET THEM INSHALLAH IT WILL WORK OUT

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 11:45 AM
Wslm

May Allah assist you in this condition

You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?

As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.

I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:

> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"

This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.

I hope you find this fruitful.

Salaam

Unregistered
17-07-2013, 04:01 PM
Salaams all. I've been married for just over a year now. I have one sister in law who refuses to let go of her brother (my husband). She's constantly minding our business, constantly foning to ask him what we are doing, where we are going. She's married an has a family of her own, but she doesn't leave us alone at all. I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer. I feel very neglected by my husband, and it feels as if his married to her rather than to me. He shares details with her that I don't even know about, and then wen I'm asked about it by my mil, it seems like I'm the idiot n my husband and i don't communicate. My sister in law lives about 20 min away from us, and yet it feels as if she's in our lives and even in our bedroom 24/7. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I have other brother in laws that are also married, but she seems over posessive with my husband becos he got married a little bit late. She's very bossy and very domineering. I've tried talking to my husband about this and he just sides with her all the time. I want a divorce and I want out, so that he can then go and be with his sister 24/7. Marrriage isn't supposed to be this agonising, its supposed to be blissfull. But I've had about enough of this woman. Talking to her won't help, because she's been put on a pedastal by her entire family and they don't feel she's wrong in anything she does. I feel very alone and very neglected. What should I do? Please help :(

Wslm

May Allah assist you in this condition

You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?

As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.

I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:

> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"

This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.

I hope you find this fruitful.

Salaam

Unregistered
18-07-2013, 08:33 AM
I always thought the 1st yr of marriage is the best,romantic,spending time together etc but for me it was the worst year felt like running away at times but alhamdulillah it gets better as the years go by just make sabr n make lots of duaa...

Unregistered
18-07-2013, 09:56 PM
Wslm

May Allah assist you in this condition

You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?

As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.

I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:

> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"

This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.

I hope you find this fruitful.

Salaam

Teacher
21-07-2013, 02:27 PM
This is a very wise response to your predicament...
Heed this advice and Allah will make it easy, Insha'Allah


Wslm

May Allah assist you in this condition

You mention "I want out of this marriage because I can't handle this trauma any longer." Sister you need to think carefully about this because if you leave, remember that you will have to provide for yourself, and although this may not be a problem since many women today have some education and means of work, however think of your situation several years down the line, will you have regretted your decision? Will you be alone? And most of all, are you going to sacrifice your husband (that may very well have done good for you in many other ways) for your sister in law? Are you going to let her dominate your mind?

As for your husband, perhaps you should attempt to keep his attention and enlighten him (and yourself) by spending time together reading Islamic books. The key note here is do not lash out at all his mistakes (i.e. read a specific page in an Islamic book that talks about the rights of the wife and privacy of marital details) on the first day. This will take time.

I suggest a good place to start is http://www.islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

In the meantime, I urge you to change your mindset as follows:

> If anyone talks about you behind your back, their good deeds come to you. (If they have no good deeds, your SINS go to THEM)
> Today someone can be on a pedestal, but Allah knows of their actions, and can disgrace them instantly. This doesn't mean you should plot the downfall of your sister in law, but rather you should not worry about her perceived status, that can change at any point in time.
> Be the better Bhabi... Eid is coming up, give them gifts to show that you are a loving, caring and affectionate person. Islam teaches us (in the Quran): "The good deed and the evil deed are not alike. Repel the evil deed with one, which is better, then lo! He, between whom and you there was enmity [will become] as though he were a bosom friend.” And: “The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they respond with [words of] peace.”"

This is not an overnight remedy, it requires time, patience and sacrifice. Allah has placed this test before you for reasons He knows best. Maybe He is strengthening your willpower prior to you starting a family.

I hope you find this fruitful.

Salaam