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confused
07-06-2013, 01:02 PM
Salaams/Dear Nanima & Friends

I've been married for 4years and I'm contemplating a divorce. I don't have any kids. I found out recently that my husband is STILL gambling. Yes, he has done this before and I found out about it, when I confronted him he said he will change. Sadly he has not! I find this firstly unislamic and then the part where he is busy blasting money while I work to provide for the household. Don't get me wrong , I don't have an issue supporting/providing for my household. But I expect moral support from him, and for him to behave properly, in a manner that is islamically fitting. He is still studying part time and many days he is sitting in the casino instead of doing some constructive work towards his degree. When I had asked him before to prove he is not hiding anything and show me bank statements he refused to do so.

I think it is unfair. He works for his father which is not even a profitable business. His parents refused for us to have a longer engagement which would have given us time to set our financial foundations. They insisted on the wedding knowing their son was not qualified etc, saying they will provide for us until he was on his own feet, yet today I'm sitting with all the bills while he is out indulging in gambling and only Allah knows what else!

He has so much of debt already because of gambling and I cannot keep singing the same song about what I require as a wife.

I'm also scared of being a divorced woman with that stigma attached to me.

Please help I would appreciate any advice.

Joburger
07-06-2013, 04:44 PM
You should first try to get him some help to deal with his gambling problem. Don't give up so easily on your marriage. Unless there are other issues that you have revealed in your post. If, after all your efforts, he still persists with his un-Islamic and selfish habits, then you should seriously consider divorce. You are not expected to spend the rest of your life taking care of an irresponsible adult. Consider divorce while you do not have children & Insha-Allah, you will find someone else who is more considerate and respectful.

confused
10-06-2013, 12:33 PM
Jzk for your advice.
Like you have mentioned- there are actually other things that I have not mentioned.

He is also not admitting to his problems, he acts like its nothing. Furthermore, he "acts" sorry when I find out and question him and a few months later he is back at it again.

It is only a "problem" when I make a problem out of it. I'm very upset, its not fair for me to incur all expenses while he is blasting his money. Shouldn't we be playing for the same team?! As I said before to me its not the issue of running the house it is that he doesn't behave properly and shows disregard for my value system.

He works in his father's shop and there's no boundaries, I tell him to focus on finishing his degree and in the mean time get a part time job in his field. He said he would rather work in the shop until he qualifies. - if he has a part tim job there will be rules and boundaries so that he will be "able" to study and not be running shop and personal errands for his family.

To me it is like I'm trying to build our life together by myself. When I tell him this all I get is a "what must I do then I'm trying"

Joburger
12-06-2013, 04:35 PM
I would still advise you to seek marriage counselling so that you may discuss all the issues affecting your marriage in a safe and confidential environment. You should make the counselling a condition of you remaining in the marriage & if he refuses, it will still be important for you to go on your own so that you obtain independent advice. Once you have weighed up all the issues, only you would be able to decide what your next steps should be. One of the options may be a trial separation with conditions that your husband has to fulfil if he wants you back.