View Full Version : Spoilt BIL works on my nerves

29-10-2012, 04:38 PM
Please help me before I kill my brother in law. His teenager and adopted and my husband dotes on the brat. He expects Hubby to cough up money for everything. He doesn't live with us and is based in another province. I'm actually scared of the festive season when we will be together. His a manipulative, brat and what hurts the most is, my husband refuses to see just how bad it is. I'm only married for 4 months now and I'm scared this will be the nail in the coffin for our marriage

30-10-2012, 04:10 PM
Oh grow up. U are married 4 months. You barely know the dynamics of the family. He lives in another province! And yet u are demanding changes like a spoilt brat.

30-10-2012, 04:14 PM
I have 2 older brothers.Both were married while I was still in school.My dad passed away wen I was very young.My brothers and mum spoiled me to the extreme.Anything and everything I asked for I got.My sil didn't seem like they had a prob and even if they did and said anything to my brothers,they didn't stop spoiling me.
I really don't think its such a terrible thing tht u thinking of ending ur marriage.I mean its only been 4 months.His brother has been there much longer.I'm not saying tht u not important,as his spouse u def are but try and be a little understanding.

He did have family before u and just because he's married now doesn't mean he shud stopcaring.

30-10-2012, 04:45 PM
Our beloved Prophet SAW said that he and the orphan will be close in the aakhirah. You say your bil is adopted. If you support your husband you will also attain reward for caring for an orphan إنشاء الله. Most teens can be bratty. Don't over react. Boys can be fun to interact with if you approach them in the right way. Its not worth ruining your marriage over.

30-10-2012, 05:30 PM
Has your brother in law said/done anything inappropriate to you? Has he been rude and nasty to you? You are being very vague as to the 'actual problem'.
He doesn't live with you - so please tell me how he affects your daily life and how your husband is being 'manipulated'?

Your husband probably misses him and dotes on him when he sees him.
Your BIL is adopted - subhanallah! Here is an opportunity to seek reward and be kind to someone who hasn't got his own parents - so much of thawaab is available for you.

I was a teenager when both my older siblings got married. It's not easy to see people that you're close to get married and move away. I felt very lonely for the first few months. I'm fortunate that their spouses tried to develop a relationship with me and discussed things that were important in my life to WITH me. Perhaps your BIL feels lonely and a bit out of touch with your husband? Include him in conversations so he doesn't see you as 'the enemy' and also discuss things like school, soccer, xbox games, etc. normal things teenagers like.

I have a younger brother in law, my husband dotes on him, and I encourage them to have a relationship instead of getting angry. In fact, I try to look out for my younger brother in law and treat him as a younger brother (although I ensure that I observe the rules of hijaab with him - I'm never alone with him and I never discuss things with him when my husband is not there).

Your brother in law still has to grow up and become an adult. How you interact with him today will lay the path with his interactions with you when he is an adult. So BE AN ADULT and behave with kindness and dignity.

06-11-2012, 09:14 AM
families that share a close bond, look out for one another are def to be admired, esp in this day and age. where people do not care about there own brothers and sisters, let alone inlaws. u should treasure this good amirable quality of your husband, he loves his brother, subhanAllah. one day you will have children, how can u expect for ur children to marry good spouses, who will also have feelings for your kids (brothers and sisters) if u cant show the same decency and respect to your brother inlaw. besides his a teenager!! not like his an adult whose 30 and living with u. you just seem very inconsiderate to family duties.

one day your brother inlaw will also finish school, study and have a life of his own. at least he will beable to take with him the memories of a loving brother who showed interest in his life while he was growing up.

life is short! and charity begins at home, show kindnes and love to your family and inlaws alike. respect each other, and u will see the blessings in this world and the next IA.