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View Full Version : Fiance' flirting with someone via SMS



Unregistered
26-03-2013, 05:09 PM
salams! please post as anon:
i would just like to ask people's opinions on this matter! Say you are about to get engaged to someone, but you see a msg on his fone to another girl telling her that 'her bum is still looking good.' wen asked about it, the guy says its all just a joke and there was no intention behind it as him and the guys at work had this joke with the girl all the time. Is it ok for something like this to happen, even as a joke with another girl, though the guy says he is serious about marrying someone else. This is a serious matter so only serious answers that will help please.

Unregistered
26-03-2013, 05:27 PM
It really doesn't matter if it's just a joke or not. If you, as his fiancé, are uncomfortable with it, he should stop doing things like this and apologise. Whether it meant anything or not is besides the point. You need to tell him now, that you don't like this kind of thing and you find it inappropriate. Don't argue with him and don't accuse him of anything. Make the focus about how you feel I.e. "I feel uncomfortable and I feel this is inappropriate. Could you please not do this in future?"

Unregistered
26-03-2013, 05:27 PM
Personally it boils down to trust. If he has a logical explanation for his actions and is sincere then you don't have anything to worry about, it sounds harmless. The fact that he didn't hide or delete his messages shows that he isn't 'cheating', I'm assumuming he allowed you to access his phone. If you were snooping on his phone then that's wrong, you not married to him and that's a major invasion of privacy. Sounds like you doubtful though, and no ones opinion will matter. I maintain, when in doubt get out. Talk to him about it if you want this to work, it could really be an innocent thing you blowing out of proportion.

poster
26-03-2013, 05:49 PM
the problem is that somethin like tHis has happened before, 3 times actually. and it was all forgiven. What i am scared is that things like this will keep happening. There may be no intention but is it appropriate.

Unregistered
26-03-2013, 06:08 PM
No it is NOT appropriate! If he's doing this before marriage what will happen after marriage? Do u want 2 be that women that is desperately unhappy, always wondering whether ur husband is being faithful or not? This is where haraam leads, thus Allah almighty has prihibited such things. If we as his creation obeyed him, we would have so much less probs in our lives

Unregistered
26-03-2013, 06:16 PM
Sometimes when you work in certain situations there are running office jokes and this is what it could be. An innocent something. I'm not sure if you work, and I'm sure there have been instances when you and your friends had a good giggle about a 'hot' dude, all in the name of fun. You say this has happened before, and you have discussed it with him. You are not married yet, so he is not committed to you. So I guess its a catch 22.

Unregistered
26-03-2013, 06:50 PM
I just wana say that it sounds like u madeur mind up and u should let go and move on before commitments are made and families are involved. Cos by the sound of things, u not looking 4 a solution to get back with this bf, u looking 4 justification to break up with him.

Unregistered
27-03-2013, 05:24 AM
It is NOT appropriate either for you or for the girl the comment is directed against. Making sexually explicit comments about a co worker with other o orders constitutes sexual harassment!!

Unregistered
27-03-2013, 09:13 AM
Sweetheart, Place ur heart in Gods hands and he will place it in the hands of the man who deserves u.. Ur guy has a roving eye. If he disrespects u now, imagine when ure married to him with 1 or more kids. He will dump u for the firmer ass he admires.

Unregistered
27-03-2013, 05:46 PM
I would not go ahead and marry him. He won't change. He would not be doing that if you meant everything to him.

Joburger
28-03-2013, 03:29 PM
I would not go ahead and marry him. He won't change. He would not be doing that if you meant everything to him.

We should be careful about being judgmental about someone by listening to a small snippet about the person's life. Here we have heard only one side of the story. Whether the flirting was serious or not depends on the intention of the guy. Sometimes, humorous flirting can become serious; but in many workplace situations it is usually harmless. We should be careful about advising this woman not to marry her fiancée as "he won't change". Marriage is about trust, respect, understanding, love and compromises. Sometimes a guy may think that it is okay to flirt while he is single; but he may realize that he has to change his habits when he is married. If your fiancée has other good qualities that attract you to him, please do not allow this incident of flirting stand in your way. But, as others have advised, discuss it with him, explain how you feel, but also give him the chance to explain and make sure you listen. It is only through talking and listening that we understand each other, and in that way you will build a successful relationship.

Unregistered
10-06-2013, 12:52 PM
slmz,

i would just like to say, that fair enough, he is not married yet, but the fact is that he is engaged! thus he is no longer single........

being engaged, and being single are two different things.

also, if he has to make mention to this girl when he saw her, in passing by at work, something about her bum, that couldve been taken as a joke. i understand your concerns, as he went out of his way to sms her and wrote that comment about her bum.

there has to be boundaries to the way we communicate wit others, especially if we have a fiance, wife, husband etc. because of respect for them, we need to take caution as to the way we reply to messages, or talk to people off the opposite sex. if we ourselves do not have respect for the person we are going to marry, how can others be expected to show them respect!
harmless flirting can lead to someone close to us being hurt. so for that reason, its best to look out for the feelings of our loved ones, and for that reason, i feel what your fiance did is inappropriate. and he IS NOT SINGLE! he is your fiance! (to the people who commented saying he is single).

speak to him about it, he may see your point of view and understand where u are coming from and refrain from this type of behaviour going forward. i am sure he would not like you messaging guys at your work about their 6-pack etc.