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Unregistered
21-10-2012, 09:28 PM
Slmz Im not a perfect wife so I dont expect a perfect husband but I am tired of being the only one in the marriage. My parents dont believe in divorce and I don't want my children to go thru that. My husband is not taking his marital duties seriously. He doesn't take any interest in our lives. He hardly ever helps the kids with homework. I have to fight and argue for his help then he will help for a few days. He is not there for me emotionally, financially or physically. I also work and provide for myself financially. My husband doesn't give me an allowance or buy me anything. I have to do everything for myself. I'm very strong and independent but his neglect and inconsiderate behaviour is affecting me terribly. The children all come to me for everything they need as even they realise he is not interested and unreliable. He is not available for his family and he doesn't take our needs to heart. I'm tired of being the only parent in the family. I'm tired of being the only partner in this family that's making the marriage work. I've spoken to my husband I've written him letters to explain what I am feeling and how much he is hurting me. I've asked him to speak to me I will try and help him but he is just not interested in making our marriage work. I think he wants me to leave, I feel like the kids and I are just a burden and he doesn't know how to tell me to leave. I fear that if I do he will not support us and this will be the easy way out for him. I need help who can I talk to. My parents cannot help me. Someone needs to make my husband realise how much he is hurting me. And our family. I am now resentful and depressed. I cant continue in this way anhydrous longer. I am on the verge of leaving him. When we fight my son is quiet and upset and my daughter cries she is close to her father

Ml.Habib Bobat
24-10-2012, 07:35 AM
Walaikum Salaam

May the Almighty Allah assist you and aid you in your way forward in life Aameen
Nikah/Marriage is a unique bond trough which Allah grants amazing love between the spouses, one should enter into Nikah with the correct intention and the correct mind frame.

Hang in there!

You two may just be going through some growing pains as your relationship matures and you get to know each other and discover new ways of relating together. Or maybe certain life circumstances are impacting you; after all, stress can shake up even the best of relationships. Itís important to keep in mind that there are going to be struggles in any partnership.

And if you both still believe in your relationship, you can use these difficult times as opportunities to deepen and strengthen your connection, so that you each improve the ways you communicate and deal with conflict. One problem couples often face is that they believe that being in a relationship is ultimately about the thrill and excitement of being in love.

So when the tough times come, they assume that their relationship is over. But as anyone whoís been in a successful long-term relationship will tell you, those feelings of excitement come and go. What creates a deeper, more fulfilling relationship is a willingness to work hard to create a strong foundation, and then to build on it so that you experience a loving connection thatís much deeper than those early feelings of excitement. And the way you create and build upon that foundation is to develop fundamental relationship skills.
Your ability to communicate, trust, compromise, establish intimacy, and support each other form the foundation for any intimate relationship. If you havenít developed these skills, then not only will it be tough to make your current relationship successful, but youíll have a hard time making future ones work as well.

So the issue is whether your relationship has the potential to become what you want it to be. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Are there enough positives about the relationship to justify the effort required to maintain and strengthen it?
2. Are both you and your partner willing to put in the work necessary to develop and improve your relationship?
3. Will you both be patient and giving with each other as you work through the issues?

What will it take to get your relationship from where it is, to where you want it to be?

If you determine that either you or your partner is unwilling or unable to make the changes necessary to create a fulfilling and healthy partnership, then itís going to be hard to maintain the relationshipís strength and vitality, much less help it improve in any truly significant way. However, if the problems you two are experiencing can be solved by communication, dedication, sacrifice, understanding, and patience, then this is no time to give up.

Together with that draw the divine blessings of Allah in one's marriage by implementing the Sunnan of Nabi (S.A.W) and constantly making dua for each other.
Give constantly Sadaqah (Charity) for it removes the Shaitaan in your marriage.

Mahmoud
02-11-2012, 02:26 PM
السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ
You need outside intervention. There must be somebody that your husband respects & trusts enough to accept their advice. His father, elder brother, aunt or even an alim. The person could also be from your family but he must have complete trust in that person, preferably somebody elderly with good ethics.
Ask that person to intervene & show him his faults & guide the both of you in the right direction. إن. شاء الل
This will bring stability & with time إن شاء الله
The bond will grow stronger. Sometimes we need that direction from outside the relationship.

Unregistered
02-11-2012, 04:36 PM
marriage sucks. Rely on yourself.