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Unregistered
25-02-2013, 11:26 AM
Slmz

I am having an issue with my Husbands brothers wife. On weekends we all meet at my mother in laws house.
If she is there before us, she calls my husband and speaks to him. When ever she has an issue she phones or smss my husband.
We have a good relationship and she does have my number but she would always rather communicate with my husband.
This has been going on for about a year now and i have spoken to him about it but he does not see it like i do.
Last night she sent him an sms saying, "I am here now and you did not come, we will be leaving just now."
I dont know what to do as i am newly married and dont want to cause family problems with my in laws.
please advise

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 11:15 AM
Next time she sms's him. You reply from your phone. Soon she will communicatwe with you instead of him.

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 11:19 AM
No don't be afraid stop it at any cost cause its wrong ... And ask her if her husbands knows what she does

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 11:35 AM
Speak to your husband with kindness and love.
First tell him that you don't want to offend anyone anyone and you're not here to hurt anyone or break relations.
Explain to him that it's inappropriate for her to send him smses and to call him.
Explain that if she has something to discuss, she should rather discuss it with you as his wife.
Explain to your husband that you do not discuss/call/text his brother for unnecessary and trivial things, as you respect the relationship boundaries that you have with him that's been specified by the Almighty.

Tell him about the following hadith:

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said: “Keep yourselves away from non-mahram women.” One companion asked: “O Rasul Allah, tell me, can the husband's brother mix freely with his sister-in-law.” Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied, “He is like death for a woman.” [Sahih Bukhari]

Allah in His Infinite Wisdom has prohibited the free mixing of the sexes to preserve the sanctity of the family and the peace of family life. This hadith tells us clearly that the husband's brother or brother's wife definitely count as non-mahrams and that the rules of segregation between non-mahrams apply between them more than ever.

I hope this helps you inshAllah

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 11:52 AM
Make a whatsapp/bbm group & include ur brother inlaw & sister inlaw? Have the whole family on.

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 01:13 PM
She probably has feelings for your husband, this kind of thing is never purely innocent. She's staying close to him the only way she knows how. I think you should be extremely weary of her. And if your husband is entertaining this closeness iw ould watch him too. You need to be frank and honest with her and tell her its making you very uncomfortable.

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 01:17 PM
The next time you guys are all together as a family casually mention something that she messaged your hubby about. Eg. I saw on his phone that you were waiting for us. We were running late that day. Was there something you needed to discuss? Each time relate the message when you are all together. That way her hubby will also realize how often it occurs and maybe it will caution her also about how inappropriate it is. Obviously both of them know that its not the norm and both still entertain it. Do this in a nice, calm manner without getting defensive. Maybe when its known by all what is occuring the habit will break. Good luck

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 01:45 PM
Since I have not seen the situ, I cannot say whether it is or is not innocent. But I think you should be wary of over reacting, My husband and I have been married for 5 years. My (younger) brother in law in single, but when he had a gf, I would never contact her, I did not know her so well so I didn't. There was def nothing going on. It may be something like that, it is not necessarily that she has intentions on your husband. If she did and he felt the same, obv he would not have married you.
However, that being said, if you feel uncomfortable, then you need to tell her that your hubby is bad at checking his phone, something like that, and she would have better luck getting a hold of you. The next time she sms or calls, tell your hubby to ignore it.

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 02:04 PM
You need to tell ur hubby u unhappy with it n if she calling to ask where he is then she def has other motives. Next time she calls answer his phone n say he is not avail, is there anything u can help with, when she sms reply n put ur name. Call her n tell her to stay away from ur hubby. If this dsnt end tell him u going home n take a brk n c if he does anything to avoid her.

Damn she has a hubby yet interferes with urs.

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 04:57 PM
Women like her dnt knw wher to draw d line! U nid to make her realise that wat she's doin is WRONG! If I pic my sil smsing my husb something like dat, I will totally flip. Its none of her business wher ur husb is n whether she's leaving or watevr is d case. U mus put a stop to this. Speak to ur husb 1st and tell him u not happy with their relationship, its not acceptable. If it stil goes on, u nid to tel her dat if she wants to discuss neting, she's free to cum to u, there's no reason 4 her to go 2 ur husb.

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 05:00 PM
I think u should tell your husband that u dont like that she phone and sms him,if he is a sensible honest man he will take heed and try to stop entertaining her,if he stil doesnt then that means he is getting pleasure out of it, being a married man iI know that

Unregistered
26-02-2013, 06:00 PM
The next time you guys are all together as a family casually mention something that she messaged your hubby about. Eg. I saw on his phone that you were waiting for us. We were running late that day. Was there something you needed to discuss? Each time relate the message when you are all together. That way her hubby will also realize how often it occurs and maybe it will caution her also about how inappropriate it is. Obviously both of them know that its not the norm and both still entertain it. Do this in a nice, calm manner without getting defensive. Maybe when its known by all what is occuring the habit will break. Good luck

This is a very a good idea! TRY IT!

ayesha rangraje
27-02-2013, 08:23 AM
You have every right to be concerned about this very bad and inappropriate behaviour on both their paths. Please pluck up your courage and speak about it openly in front of your in laws and husband when you are all together. There is nothing innocent in any woman who deliberately tries to ingratiate herself in the regard of a married man nor is there anything innocent in a married man allowing such attempts to continue. Learn from all the horror stories out there of wives who were left devastated becasue their husbands supposed innocent friendship with another woman lead to him marrying the friend. If your husband has such a poor character you have alot of heartache ahead unless you make it known right now that you will not accept this. Please do not accept it. You deserve better. Anyone who tells you its ok for them to do this is very mistaken.

Unregistered
27-02-2013, 09:10 AM
Sister , I think u need to put a stop to this now! She needs to learn her place and there is no need for her to be texting ur hubby and saying she is waiting for "him". If she calls to say "hey we r waiting for you'll" its different. Give her a call and ask her why she keeps doing this , also ask her if her husband is aware that she does this. Tell her if she doesn't stop you will bring this up with her parents , yours and your in-laws. Tell yoir husband you don't like it and you will not tolerate it! So he should stop her before you bring up the issue with everyone's parents! This is definitely not innocent. I also phone my brother in law but never to say I'm waiting to see him - that's just mad!!! There is no reason for her to be speaking to him like that. And why is she calling him? Can his brother not be the one to call? Or his parents? U need to watch her body language around him... Hope you sort this out soon! How old is she btw?

Unregistered
13-03-2013, 08:35 AM
Shukrun for all the replies, this has really helped me to pluck up the courage to confront her.
Shukr it’s been a week now and she has not contacted my husband.
May Allah reward all of you in abundance.