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Unregistered
23-09-2012, 01:42 AM
After about two years of me not falling pregnant we went to the doctors and they did the necessary tests on both of us and we were told that there is a problem with my husband, we have undergone fertility treatments but they have been unsuccessful.

I am quite distressed as everyone assumes there is a problem with me (the women, no-one ever mentions if there is a problem with the man). I try and avoid going to functions etc just to avoid people asking me why i do not have kids.

Please can i have some advise. I would also like to hear from women who are or who have been in a similar position like me and how they deal or have dealt with it.

Unregistered
25-09-2012, 03:19 PM
Think u and ur hubby need to talk. Im sure he too is distressed. Speak to him n see wat options u have. In my case we hav discussed adoption n we both happy wit d decision. Also u need to assess ur marriage n feelings. Some people do divorce for this reason. Hav a heart to heart with him, thereafter with his permission explain d situation to d families so that people will stop pointing fingers at u! Most importantly don't live ur life according to others expectations.

Unregistered
25-09-2012, 03:37 PM
Firstly, I am really sorry about your situation. I would just like to know, have you asked your doctor to have tests done, or has the doctor suggested it? I am also trying, for some time now, but Allah knows best

Unregistered
25-09-2012, 05:30 PM
I know a couple that also couldn't have children six years into the marriage & in the seventh year they had a healthy baby. They've since had another 2 children. Do not. Underestimate the power of duas. Make istigfaar abundantly & make lots of dua. Ask your husband to take steps to reduce stress levels. He must also consume lots pineapple & bananas. Do not lose hope & do not worry about what people have to say. This only contributes to both your stress levels. Support each other & be positive.

Unregistered
25-09-2012, 06:03 PM
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation... I have a family member who was in your exact situation, and eventually she adopted a baby. Not even a year later she fell pregnant... When she opened up her heart, Allah opened up her taqdeer...she is now the mother of 3 kids. 1 adopted, and 2 of her own....

Unregistered
25-09-2012, 07:46 PM
Think carefully before discussing with your husband about whether to let people know the problem is not with you. It might bruise his ego. Rather address the people who are assuming. If they are your family, you speak to them and if they are your husbands family then tell him to please speak to them cos its hurting you. Tell them that the ultimate decision lies in Allahs hands and that no amount of remarking is going to change that fact. Whatever Allah has decreed will be and men and women should not be made to feel inadequate if this is the test Allah chose for them. People sometimes make innocent comments to make conversation not realising that they are hurting feelings. Rather continue to look for other medical solutions or maybe even adoption if you are both keen. All the best to you both. إنشاء الله things will work out.

Unregistered
28-09-2012, 01:39 AM
Thank you to all that have commented on my "problem" Male Infertility. What i forgot to mention is that i have now been married for 8 years so it has been a while. I feel my biological clock is ticking away as i am now in my late 30s. I have tried to talk to my husband but we just end up arguing and upsetting each other. As with the asian culture, people assume it is the women so at functions the topic always always arises. I have asked my husband has anyone ever asked him why we dont have kids and he says very few people have. His immediate family and my immediate family know but that is about the people that know.

Secondly, i dont think adoption is for me. I dont think i am a strong enough as a person. I know if i was to adopt i would be doubting myself all the time, i would be feeling am i doing my best for the child, if it was my own child would i do things differently and personally i feel that is not a healthy environment to raise a child.

Lastly, i just cant help but feel that if the shoe was on the other foot (i.e if there was a problem with me) things would be different as my husband could have another wife, but what happens to me in my situation. I know it is not my husbands fault, it is what Allah wills but i am just really confused and hurt. Maaf if i have annoyed or upset anyone with my comments but this is how i feel.