View Full Version : Choosing a psrtner

17-09-2012, 10:45 AM
Hi All

I am a 26 year old female.
I would like to know what should one be looking for in a life partner?

Reason for this question is that i am currently following a career (which i have been relatively successful in), however i still hold tight to my religious beliefs. I have had the odd "arranged" type meetings with similar type of people like me......but strangely they have found me to be immature. (i dont understand why this is the case as those close to me and they people i work with do not see me this way)

Nonetheless, I came acorss a very pious guy, and he is proposing marriage. While he is very religious inclined, which i admire, we do not have anything in common.And also disapproves of some of my ways (like the careers, etc)

The question that im faced with now, is do i go ahead with the pious guy, or should i rather try and find someone whom i am compatible with?

01-10-2012, 04:26 PM
wslmz sister.

how do u kno that u are not compatable with the pious guy? compatability does not necessarily mean having the same career orientated mindset.

if he has a good character, seems like he will look after u nicely, respect u......etc, those i think are qualities that will result in a strong marriage going a long way......esp if he is able to communicate well with u, like u are on the same wavelenght in terms of vision, or perception of important things in life......

i am highly qualified, yet i like someone who does not have a degree. in my family, my siblings and i are all either doctors or CA's, yet i seem to have found a guy who doesnt have a degree at all.....to be most compatable with me....we have the same outlook in terms of caring for our families, same religious values, same respect for each other and are able to converse about anything....i feel thats important.

some guys are on the same career pathway, but do not necessarily have values aligned with yours....and may not beable to make u happy.

u must decide whats most important to u.......and remember, good guys, with a good heart are hard to find :-)......

read istikhaarah salaah......if he is meant for u, it will work out....

sometimes, the person we least imagined to be our partner in marriage, turns out to be the best choice.....

also, dont be afraid that if u turn this guy down, u wont get another guy who makes u happy.

if u feel he is not the right one for u, then so be it,....ask Allah for guidance in ur decision.

if he feels u dont need to work because he can fully provide for u, then alhumdullilah :-)....in most cases, educated ladies are forced to work because need to bring money home to help pay for the bills.......later on down the line, u may also find the corporate world to be something u wish to escape. discuss your thoughts with your mother as well, she will beable to give u the best advice as she knows u well.

only u know what u want deep down......all we can do is offer advice from the way we perceive things to be,

goodluck :-)


01-10-2012, 04:55 PM
Aslm sister,
I can identify with your situation as I am in quite a similar predicament. Islamically the Prophet (saw) states "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari) I assume the converse is true for males. While I understand that you are passionate about your job we need also realize that Islamically the role of the woman is very different as a pose to societal norms. In Islam the woman is to be treated as a queen and it is the responsibility of her husband to provide her. Having been faced with a similar opportunity I asked myself what would be more pleasing to Allah swt. When we work we are bound to interact with non-mahram males thus taking the barakat out of our earnings. On the other hand if I stay at home I am protected from this to a certain extent. Perhaps you can ask your prospective spouse why he prefers you not to work. If you do decide to leave work for your husbands pleasure insha Allah, Allah swt will put barakat in his earnings and grant you a happy marriage. Divorce is rife these days and I think the fact that we are moving away from sunnah and the obscurement of roles attributes to this.

Also at the end of the day we are not questioned about our careers or how much money we made, this might also be something to consider.

Lastly in terms of compatibility Allah swt knows best. I would strongly urge you to read Istikhara namaaz, and make mashuarah with your family. May Allah swt guide you to what is best for you in both worlds.

01-10-2012, 05:19 PM
Don't rush n contrary to wat people say 26 is not old! Wat do u want? If u career orientated will this islamicly inclined man let u practice your career? Make istikhaara! Compatability is very important in a life partner

01-10-2012, 06:41 PM
Plz dnt get married just 4 the sake of it. Its 4 the rest of your life. Marriage is about comprimise n considering ur partner, not forcing their way of thinkin on2 u. Also who defines wat holy is? Remember, the prophet saw drew ppl 2 him b'cos of his character, n b'cos I was married 2 some1 similar 2 wat u describe , think carefully b4 u give up ur life, just 2 live his.

01-10-2012, 10:33 PM
I would say go for the pious guy. Normally when the man is religious the woman generally follows n vice versa, maybe u could work from home or u could some to some sort of agreement regarding ur career.

All the best

22-01-2013, 11:27 AM
It is your choice in the end. But as a die hard feminist, I would find someone who is compatible with you. I know a great emphasis is placed on finding a pious man, but sometimes that is not enough. Marriage is tough enough as it is, you should find someone who you can love. If he "disapproves" of your career, I would not consider him. It is important to you, and he actually has no right to approve or disapprove. If what he is looking for in a wife is not you, then he should not try to make you fit that mold. The same goes for you. You are also only 26, you are not old. You are a successful woman, and you will find somebody worthy of you.