Where to from here?

[Unregistered]

Aslm alaikum

My family is facing a moral crisis. After a very extended period of extreme disobedience, My 16year old cousin got pregnant outside of marriage by a 21yr old who isn't trustworthy doesn't earn enough to cater for his own needs, let alone a wife and child. They broke the news to us during Ramadaan. Then she had a miscarriage two weeks later. Never got married. Now the family has to take it to our Wali who is none the wiser that the girl was pregnant.

My cousin hasn't even got a matric certificate or any deeni knowledge and is extremely and disobedient to her mother and family.

Please advise where to from here?

[Unregistered]

Wasalaam
Ur cousin should read 2 rakaats salaatul tauba n repent sincerley, also she should go to school n madressa in todays time she needs knowledge. Parents should make dua for her. I.S.A Allah grant her hidaayat n keep her on the straight path InShaAllah Aameen

[Nanima]

thanx for response but please do not answer these questions as they are for learned scholar answering only.. jzk

[ML.SM Ravat]

Assalamu alaykum
Respected Sister
Indeed this is a very tragic and unfortunate situation! May Allah Ta’aala, make it easy for all concerned, aameen!
A situation as serious as this requires immediate and intense assistance from professional and experienced people. I would strongly suggest that you get an experienced and reliable Alim/Muslim councilor involved or go to a Muslim organization that will be able to assist on a continuous basis. The reason I suggest this route is that in a situation as serious as this, there is no quick fix! One needs to get to the root of the problem, ascertain what has prompted such behavior and then develop a short and long term recovery plan.
I would make a few general suggestions that I hope would assist in this situation and will benefit others who could be facing similar challenges:
1. We should never underestimate the power of duaa. It is the power of duaa that turned the hard heart of a hostile Umar RA towards Islam. Make duaa for your cousin, her mother and all concerned.
2. Don’t get too many people involved. A few wise heads is much more effective then a plethora of opinions. Often too many people can complicate the matter further. Also, the fewer the people that know, the less the likelihood of the story spreading. Many times people reform and change their lives, but remain stigmatized as everyone knows their past. Avoid this at all costs.
3. Rather then condemn your cousin, point out her error in a compassionate manner and give her hope. Remind her about the mercy of Allah and exhort her to make istighfaar.A harsh approach could result in her rebelling.
4. Don’t judge her! We don’t know when temptation can get the better of us, and we could perpetrate worse actions. When we judge people, we no longer remain sincere in helping them and this weakens our efforts to assist them.
5. All concerned should introspect and reflect so that valuable lessons could be learnt for the future. Was she perhaps allowed too much freedom? Was there inadequate tarbiyyah and Islamic upbringing? Did those who were aware of the liaison turn a blind eye?
May Allah Ta’aala make it easy , aameen!

Sulaimaan Ravat