View Full Version : confused

14-08-2012, 01:54 PM
I'm an 18 year old girl, I came across a very islamically inclined guy online. His serious about me and phoned my dad for a proposal but my parents both told him that I am not ready.. I feel like I am ready for marriage, not really in the mood to study But my parents are making me, studying bcom atm and not enjoying it...
What do I do??

14-08-2012, 03:30 PM
Honestly, u are soo young, ask any women who got married early if they lived life... wht dont u wait till you 22, just after you done studying, it also opens your mindset and u think maturely, u meet ppl and u wont think in a box!!! Parents are right about this, just listen once, you will not regret it. Marriage is awesome, but once u lived life, its even better!!! put it on hold for thenext 4 years and then get married, you wont regret anything!!!

Madam A
14-08-2012, 03:40 PM
Make Dua and wake up for Tahujjud, and you will see Allah will accept as you want to do the right thing.

I am also 18 years of age and got married. I am also currently studying through UNISA so you would have no problem to carry on your studies if that's what your parents want.

Allah make it easy for u

14-08-2012, 03:42 PM
Jazakallah for the advice :)
Hows married life? Is is alot harder then people say when you younger?

14-08-2012, 03:45 PM
I know a lot of girls who were your age and got married, they still together.Firstly read your istighara that's the most important. I was studying and working when I got married I am lucky as my husband helped me a lot. There is nothing wrong with being married and studying. Don't give up on ur studies.

14-08-2012, 03:46 PM
There is nothing worse in my mind, than a girl who turns down education at any point (Marriage aside)
Educate yourself. Learn about the world. We need strong, educated mothers out there.

Madam A
14-08-2012, 03:46 PM

It is going well Alhamdulillah...

I dont believe that, I think its what you make of it.

Sure you have your ups and your downs but you always come out stronger by doing things the right way

14-08-2012, 03:54 PM
Thats good hey :)
So now I just gotta convince my parents that I'm ready...
Its like they don't understand me...

Madam A
14-08-2012, 04:06 PM
They scared, knowing that you young and the divorce rate is high.

When you get married Allah gives you barakah in everything you do, knowing that you do things pertaining to Shariah, Salaah.

Money is not everything, scarifice. We tend to over spend and not work within our means.

14-08-2012, 04:15 PM
Please you sound really nadaan. Save yourself from premature decisions. If the guy is Islamically inclined, he wouldn't have chatted you up in the first place. You're only 18, many people you get married young regret it later in life. Don't be one of them. Allow yourself to grow before you take such huge steps into the future

14-08-2012, 04:16 PM
Salaams Dear Sister
If you're able to control your
hormones then go study. If not, get married.

14-08-2012, 04:24 PM
If you are educated, your children, esp daughters, will be more inclined to be. You are soo young, don't make life choices now. I am not saying it won't work, just rather live a little, gain some independence. You have barely just started living your own life. You may not enjoy what you study, but if you have to work one day, you will be glad of it. If he loves you, he will wait.

14-08-2012, 04:30 PM

you can have the best of both worlds......marriage, especially if the boy is islamically inclined, as well as enjoy the benefits of a good education.

education is important, but so is marriage......to the ladies who did not study, they feel they are missing out on so much, although they are not!!! once u in the working world, its a corporate cuthroat environment, which u just wish u could run away from, but once u in it, its soo hard to get out, due to financial comitments. do not get me wrong, i am not saying education is not important......i myself have a medical degree alhumds, but if i had gotten a good proposal at 18, and if i was happy with the boy, i would have gotten married, and then continued to study.

u dont have to sacrifice one thing for the other........if u not enjoying bcom, study something else, and get married if u feel u are ready. at 18, i feel u should be mature, and do not compare urself to others. what someone else enjoys, is not going to be necessarily something that ul enjoy or be good for u. so u know urself, and your parents know u too! sit them down and have a mashura, make a list of the pros and cons, read istikhaarah and then decide.

dont look at others and then decide which way to go.......some girls are 25 an unmarried, and have a degree, not because they choose to be in that position......but because they just were not lucky enough to meet someone special....who was marriage material.

if u are happy, read istikhaarah about marrying this guy, but still get your education!

the timing when Allah swt sends your soulmate is not the same for everyone......
thus u cannot plan and say, il get my degree at 21, and then at 22 il get engaged and married etc.......sometimes u end up being over that age, and still waiting..........for that special guy to arrive......

all people can do is share their experiences with u, but ultimately only u can decide what it is that u want, and what will make u happy. make dua for the Allah swt to guide u, and make dua for us unmarried girls to find special spouses too :-) InshAllah ameen.

14-08-2012, 05:00 PM
What if I wait until I am 22 and then have a problem finding a guy like most girls.. I don't want to marry old, just a fear of mine...
Marriage is something I have been thinking about for a while now.
I would rather have someone in my life and be happy then study and be unhappy.

14-08-2012, 05:07 PM
I married at 18, and today I am still a highly active women. I am completing my degree, I studied art which I always wanted to do, I write for magazines, I blog. Personally, it depends on the individual, marriage is one step, what you do after that is up to you. As an eighteen year old girl who thinks that she is ready for marriage, you should educate yourself about marriage first. attend workshops, read books open your mind to realise marriage is alot more then what you probably thinking right now. One good book that comes to mind is Yawar Baig: marriage: Living it. I am married for six years, and despite ups and down I am happy, I am still pursuing my goals and ambitions as well as supporting a husband in all that he does and he supports me. So in the end its in ur hands if you truly think you are ready...

14-08-2012, 05:10 PM
Salaams, before I even finshed skwl I thought I was ready to get married...I found too many "islamicly inclined" guys online only too ready to get married to me...1 by 1 my parents either rejected the proposals on my behalf, or I chnged my mind bout the boy...sumtyms I tawt I'd nevr marry...I'd nevr find sumbdy as nyc/gud/4me etc...in my final year I met a guy...he ws my oppsite in evryway (language,islamic theories,education etc) evrythng I twt my parents wudnt want 4me, bt he proposed and with my parents blessing I xceptd...sum family thru a fit, sum tld me to get out of it while I cud,sum tld me to live first etc...bt nutng chnged this tym...today I'm married, I have a degree and a job and I'm happy. Looking back, my parents where right every time!sumhow they just knew who wsnt ment to b...so I say..read istikara...make mashura...n if it turns out u hve to let this 1 g0...do it...Allah SWT will send ur partner at the appointed time and hour, and no sooner...n when its 4 real therl b no obstcles u cnt overcum,it will b so easy...

14-08-2012, 05:15 PM
Perform Istikhaara, don't marry against ur parents word, if u chatting to guys online its better for u islamically to get married n u are of age, u can continue studying after being married in todays time u need to be prepared for whatever is thrown at u from my point of u ur bcom might help u one day ;)
May Allah guide u to do what's right. I.S.A Aameen

14-08-2012, 05:40 PM
Slm. You should explain to your parents that they can't prevent you from marriage because they want you to study, as it is resulting in zina, which is bad for your Hereafter. Why don't you compromise, and agree to study while you are married? You can sit and think properly about your purpose in life, what you really want to achieve in life, and then re-evaluate your career choice. You can do anything that you are passionate about, and it doesn't have to be strongly academic related, eg cake decorating, nursing, baby care etc. Show your parents that you are mature by stopping communication with him while you discuss your future with them. They are only concerned about their darling and need re-assurance. Also, don't forget that islamic education is most important, so strive to equip yourself with that too:)

14-08-2012, 07:41 PM
In reply to th fb comments:
Ok, I know that marriage would be hard- I will work really hard to keep it strong- and it would be silly to stop studying just to get married but I'm not even doing good at campus- lost focus. So if I marry, hopefully that would get me more focused, make me have a more positive look at life and also make me a happier person and I would study through Unisa part time just to keep myslf busy. I feel that it would be so much easier studying with someone who is the same age as yourself, having someone who understands everything about you, more then your parents.. I've also never dated a guy so I want to marry while I am young and still pure... I also feel this guy would make me a better person, well he has already done that over the months that I have chatted to him- changing my views of life...

Well all I can really do now is make dua and ask Allah to guide me the right way..

Jazakallah for all the advice, appreciated it much :)

Wish you all the best for the last few days of ramadaan :)

15-08-2012, 06:03 AM
Dear sister
I feel that you have already made up ur mind on getting married n therefore lost focus on ur studies! Plz don't forget that اللَّه تعالي has placed parents there to guide n steer u in a direction and 99% of the tym they a correct in their guidance. I feel that a parents advice and duas are more important than my own whims and desires and that nobody goes wrong in life listening to their parents

اَلْحَمْدُ لِلّه I am happily married with kids after studing and I'm working and I thank اللَّه تعالي everyday for granting me parents who with HIS help guided me in the ryt direction.

Just a word of caution on meeting guys on line is that ppl can b anybody on line n may not necessarly b the same in reality so if ur really keen on this guy plz DO ur homework and don't get caught in lies and deception! He may b tellin u stuff U want to hear also if he 'islamically inclined' he may not b too keen on U studying.
Live YOUR life first before gettin involved in sumbody elses coz once ur married ur not referred to by ur name but MRS or wife of.... U kinda lose ur own identity!

Find urself and listen to ur parents advise and most importantly seek Allahs guidance n read salaatul Hajaat everyday n definately HE will guide you!!!!! All d best

15-08-2012, 08:19 AM

From what it sounds like you're not happy with what you're studying. If you have lost focus and aren't doing well because you're not enjoying what you are doing, then that's not going to change just because you get married. I suggest looking into changing your degree. Find something that you're passionate about, or even something you find interesting, that is what will change your opinion of studying.

As for getting married, make istigharah salaah, at the end of the day whatever is meant to be will be, but don't go against your parents, they only want what is best for you. iA everything will work out well for you.

21-08-2012, 09:07 PM
I am also 18 and I understand you, I really want to get married but study at the same time to keep busy
Just make dua and it will happen when the time is right insha allah