View Full Version : loverbirds turned into nastybirds

03-08-2012, 11:26 AM
Slmz. My hubby & I hav been together b4 marriage for 3 years. I dink we finish love each oda during that phase. We married for 2 months exactly today en our feelings just not d same. I caught him sweet talking the neighbors wife and I went to such levels to make sure atches me flirting wid the same neighbors hub. He said I took things d wrong way bt he cnt 4gvi me bcoz I went dressd indecently to chat to d neighbors hubby.. All I wore was a tank top I dint wear a bra but I was furious but that's not indecent ? Is it? I have 2 talaaqs marriage seems over we were lovebirds and I don't no how things turned out so bad. :'(

06-08-2012, 11:15 AM
Honestly, what you did was not right. Two wrongs don't make a right. Marriage is a work in progress, you both have to work hard at it to make it work. Dating is not the same as being married. You can't just walk away or call it quits that easily. You both need to have respect for each other. As a women dressing in a provocative manner just gives the wrong impression. Work through your issues before you both just throw in the towel.

06-08-2012, 11:43 AM
I am sure I am not the first person to tell you that marriage is not easy - no matter who the person. You will definitely have problems - what matters is how you deal with those problems when they do arise. This is not always easy and it does take time to find out how to communicate with your spouse. It is important not to get caught up in a tit-for-tat situation where you both deliberately hurt each other as you will both be losers in the end. Sister, I would urge you to both go for some marriage counselling to find a way to resolve issues. Counselling does not mean giving up on your marriage - it means that you are serious about making your marriage work and it will equip you with the tools you need to make your marriage work. In a marriage, love - although it is important - is not always enough. You also need to be able to communicate and understand each other. I wish you all the best in your marriage and truly hope that you and your husband can move in a positive direction together Inshallah.

06-08-2012, 11:51 AM
Although you were hurt at your husband sweet talking the neighbour your way of dealing with it was immature. You need to realise marriage is not child's play,life before marriage and after is not the same,you now have a responsibility to each other to make it work,so move on from the pettyness and forget about the neighbours,be mature about everything and sit down and communicate about all your issues like two adults. Throwing in the towel is not an option, divorce makes the arsh of Allah swt shake, do not anger him, try to work at it. You loved him 3 months ago,where's that love now? Search within your heart and make it work.

06-08-2012, 02:21 PM
Wait so let me get this straight? You jus got married 2 months ago and u went to talk to your male neighbour wearing no bra and a tank top and you wondering if its indecent? Then you think the Love is over? Sounds like it never began. You need to grow up, both of you. the jealousy circle never goes anywhere.

06-08-2012, 03:26 PM
I recently got married as well.. We were together for 4 years before and because of circumstances we shared a flat for 2 years. You would think that it is the same, but it isn't. We fight more, sometimes I wonder if we should have ever gotten married because it is not the same. We are working on it, and although it is not easy, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things are getting better. You need to stop the cycle of jealousy. Spend time together, not watching TV but going on hikes, picnics, things like that. Talk to each other about something other than work. You need to put in effort and work at it. It will work out, you got this far!

06-08-2012, 06:34 PM
There's a difference between a wife and gf.
If u fel u were mature enuf for marriage, then u need to start behavin dat way.
Husbands don't always kno how to communicate their feelings as they r men.
Women on the oda hand r gifted in conveyin emotions, easing problems,
And general communication.
There has to b respect in a marriage.
Wot ur husband did was wrong, and I can understand ur pain and anger.
Bt do not do wot he does. Be better than him, so that he will out of his own feel remoreseful for his actions,
And respect u even more, as ur behaviour towards him is decent etc.
I read somewhere that there is a vicious cycle....the more a woman feels unloved, the more she disrespects her husband as she wantsa him to show her love and her affection.
Whereas dat is da wrong approach, as u will jus further push him away.
Men want to b respected, as much as woman want to b loved.
Thus communication is key!
U dated him for 3years, u can't jus decide ur marriage is over now, jus becaus of a few disagreements.
Handle things da mature way...as there is a difference between bein some1s gf jus when the goins good, bt it takes a wife to stand by her husband thru bad times too.
N da same breathe it takes a real man to b a husband.
Also, u and ur husband must consider oda ppls feelings. How must da neighbours wife feel by u speakin to her hubby dressed inappropriately, and on top of it, dressed that way intentionally?
I'm sure u wudnt like oda women speakin to ur husband dressed like dat!
Also, I'm sure ur husband wudnt like anoda man sweetin talkin u, so he shudnt do it to the neighbours wife! Respect oda ppl.
Want for others what u want for urself! U want a happy marriage, yet u go to a married couples house in a tank top?
We must always think about the ripple effect our actions may have in other innocent bystanders lives.
May Allah swt guide us all IA.