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unknown
30-06-2012, 09:03 PM
Salaam. I have been married for ten years and have two wonderful boys. Over the last two years my husband and been on drugs and is always fighting with me. Six month ago he left work and I have been the sole provider in the house. I give him my entire salary and the end of each month and on top of all of that I do the housework as well as we don't have a domestic. For the last few months he is always fighting with and accusing me of not appreciating him yet he is at home the entire day and does nothing besides pick my son up from school while I am the one that works the whole day and still comes home to do house work.He has even started hitting me when we fight as I tend not to say anything and rather keep quite for the sake of my boys. I am at so confused as to what I should do. Should I stay with him and hope that it gets better or leave. I cannot go to his parents to discuss this as they always take his part and if I tell my parents they will hurt him.I would really appreciate some advice as to what I should consider doing.Jazakallah

Unregistered
01-07-2012, 11:50 AM
You are the sole provider, if u wanna save ur marriage then get him help! Admit him in2 a rehab n provide 4 ur kids until he's back.. Staying without a family n ur money might knok him back 2 his senses. Its a difficult situation but if u go the rehab route make sure u show him whose boss when he gets back.. Every1 makes mistakes n don't judge him 4 that but he must no that the violence can't go on n that u won't stand 4it! Do it 4 ur boys sake! All the best:)

Unregistered
01-07-2012, 12:13 PM
I rite this with tears in my eyes as ur situation n my mothers r d same. When my mum was in her 40s d same scenario happened in our home. My bro n I was in school. We come from a very. prominant family so for d sake of society n name she stayed in d marriage even tho my bro n I begged her not to. She became sole supporter! 18 years later, nothings changed. We tried to get help countless tyms but my father refuses to change. I'm married now. When I look at my mum I feel she wasted her life. I would advise u to sit with ur sons, see wat they say n feel. Get help/ counselling/ rehab n see if it helps. But don't let it b years later n u stil sufferin. Its not worth it. WalKin out of a marriage is never easy. But sometyms havin peace at home is more valuable than anythin money can buy!

Unregistered
01-07-2012, 01:05 PM
He's already hitting you so he clearly has no control. Don't wait until he hurts you badly or even worse, kills you. The drugs are literally frying his brain and he can't think rationally. What if he's high and picks up ur kids and is driving? He needs to be given a wake up call and have motivation to get clean.

Unregistered
01-07-2012, 01:27 PM
I would say thet you def need to get him help. He has an addiction that will only be cured with help. He needs to get into a program @ a rehab,and you also need to join a support group. Clearly you care for him very much,and you believe that he could get better and with the correct help he will. I am speaking from my own personal experience. It's a long journey to recovery but if he is willing it can be done.

Unregistered
01-07-2012, 03:23 PM
Get out now, while u still can. You can support yourself and your kids, he doesn't bring anything in your life besides misery. I've been living with a cocaine addict for a husband for 11 years. I also have 2 boys. Don't wait for it to get worse sister, because if he can't see what this problem is doing to his family now, he never will. If he has any decency left , he will get help n sort his life out. Don't waste anymore years trying to fix someone who wants to stay broken. Get out n live da life you n your kids deserve. Get out NOW sister.

not registeres
01-07-2012, 07:23 PM
Salaam, from personal experience. It never does change. My husband had the same problem, rehab never helped. Its been 9 months since I left and my kids and I are happier then ever. I see the difference in them. No more fighting, beating, emotional and financial abuse and I can do more for them now then before. Allah Knows Best. Goodluck, I know its not a easy choice to make.

Unregistered
01-07-2012, 07:35 PM
Sallaams sister. May Allah make this easy for you and guide u do what os best for your family. Ameen. I have a cousin in this situation. She lived secretly with her husbands addiction until it became life threatening to her and her family. It was only when the very worse stuff happened that she called for help. Don't let this happen to u. U don't have to do this on ur own. Contact a drug rehab counselling service and get them involved if u feel u. Can't approach familyyet. But at some point soon they have to know. U need their support. My cousin is still with her hubby years later but only because the family are there to support and help them through the trying times. Remember that as much as u love him and care forthe man not on drugs, right now he is not that man. He is under the influence of mind altering substances n ur first obligation to safegaurd yourself and ur children only once this is done should u think of safegaurding your marriage. Safety first. N Allah knows best

Unregistered
03-08-2012, 11:43 AM
Salaam. I have been married for ten years and have two wonderful boys. Over the last two years my husband and been on drugs and is always fighting with me. Six month ago he left work and I have been the sole provider in the house. I give him my entire salary and the end of each month and on top of all of that I do the housework as well as we don't have a domestic. For the last few months he is always fighting with and accusing me of not appreciating him yet he is at home the entire day and does nothing besides pick my son up from school while I am the one that works the whole day and still comes home to do house work.He has even started hitting me when we fight as I tend not to say anything and rather keep quite for the sake of my boys. I am at so confused as to what I should do. Should I stay with him and hope that it gets better or leave. I cannot go to his parents to discuss this as they always take his part and if I tell my parents they will hurt him.I would really appreciate some advice as to what I should consider doing.Jazakallah



slmz well mrs ..

what i can tell you is ,,, you do everything in your house as you say ....so why don't you leave him ...it will be wrong but how long you going to handle all this ,,,,,now its you,,as time comes its going to be your boys then whats are you going to do ? ..........

or you can do the best the next time he hits you .....you pick up some thing hard and strong and crack his head open ..............then you stand up proud an say .......NOW WHO IS BOSS ,,,,,HIT YOUR CHEST HARD AND SAY I AM

Unregistered
13-11-2012, 12:44 PM
He is hurting you and your children! If you don't defend yourself and your children who will?
Why are you keeping this a secret? Speak up, speak out.
Abuse in any form is NEVER acceptable.
You are a wonderful person and you deserve better.
Your children deserve better!
Discuss the matter with him, your family and his family.
If necessary get a respected, learned person to sit in.
What is happening must be made known.
Protecting him is not helping him, it is only hurting you more!