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Unregistered
01-08-2012, 12:36 PM
Salaam
I wud like some advise. I'm 24 and I completed studying at ### univ whilst there I had a 3 year relationship with a guy please don't judge me. After we graduated he went to australia n didn't contact me or anything so whateva propad I took best 1 n married. Problem is this guy I married is nothing like my bf like its not love its like we living together but iv been so use to affection love caring this guy offers nothing. I feel isolated wen he wants to have relations its fast and fury and off to bed. Tho my ex n I never slept together he held my hand makin me feel loved. Why are married men so uncoath and not loving ? He wants me to wear mini skirts heels short tops I do everything for him but its just to show his friends what a model wife he has. What do I do?

Unregistered
02-08-2012, 07:48 AM
I dont think that anyone here can advise you. I think you need to speak to your family so that they can counsel the 2 of you and then they should advise you. Clearly you are not happy and he is making you commit haraam acts by dressing immodestly. Personally, I would not stand for it, but I am different and I am not married to him. You know your situation and I dont think you can sustain this type of relationship for long. Also, my fear would be if you are a "model wife", its quite superficial and you could be replaced at any time. So please speak to your family and if you cant, find someone who is an elder who can counsel the both of you. Good luck.

Unregistered
02-08-2012, 08:56 AM
Ws...
Firstly I want you to know that I am not judging, because I also had a 3 year relationship before I got married and was completely consumed by that relationship, I found it very hard to let go. What you need to realise is that you can't compare the two men. By doing that you may be overlooking the good points your husband actually has by focussing on what you had before. Try to think of what your husband does do to express his love for you? It may not be touching, it may be buying you gifts, or helping you do the dishes. He may be expressing his love for you in a different way but you dont realise it.

As for the sex, you need to guide him. Tell him how you prefer to do it, tell him to be more gentle, to show you that he loves you and that the "wham bam thank you ma'am" doesnt really work for you. Sometimes men aren't so clued up, it needs to be spelt out in plain english. Tell him what you need.

You also need to talk to him. If he's asking you to dress up in mini skirts and high heels, tell him you need to be clear that you're doing it for him and not for him to show off to his friends. You're not a piece of meat and he needs to show some respect to you. And if you're not comfortable doing it then explain to him why you're not.

The main point though is, don't compare. If you do that, you will ruin your marriage because you'll always be thinking about what could have been. If your ex hasnt contacted you, then it's over for him. Let it be over for you too. I know its easier said than done, but time and effort will help you to let go. Stop thinking about you had and focus on what you do have.

Focus on your husband's good points and communicate what you need from a relationship and try and put yourself in his shoes and understand his needs as well. If you work as a team, you can find the love you need in your marriage. Marriage is hard work and both of you need to work at it. Sit down and have a serious discussion about your relationship.

Unregistered
02-08-2012, 11:19 AM
Look at it this way if your ex reaLy loved u,he wud hav atleast stayed in contact with u.atleast ur husban is beter that he comes home to u unlike ur ex who just left u.stop thinkin about the past n stay in the future.