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Unregistered
01-08-2012, 10:46 AM
Salaams all.I would just like to see a response to this. If you have a wife at home with your child and you work. Okay couple months ago your mother has helped you pay for something( not a very big amount) and she told you not to worry.
But then you earn some extra money and instead of giving your wife something who does not ask for cent every month and does everything at home without a helper. You tell your wife you paying your mother back but the wife knows the sisters birthday is coming up and that is where that money is going. And this was not the first time it has happened. What does the wife the do ? Does the wife have a right to be upset?

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 01:45 PM
Wslm, i think you are being petty.
At the end of the day he took money frm his mum & now his paying her bk..
Perhaps his the type of guy that doesn't like any1 doing him favors?
This however doesn't mean that he doesn't care..

Xxx

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 02:01 PM
In my opinion you should first ask your wife if she needs something before giving it to your sister. As a stay at home mother and wife its nice to get something extra special and u always need something in the house.

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 02:03 PM
The wife needs to communicate with her husband and explain to him that she's feeling unappreciated. He may feel that he owes his mother even though she told him not to worry about it. As a grown man, he may feel that he can't be dependent (even for a small amount), he may not even realise the effect this has on his wife. She needs to explain to him how she's feeling unappreciated, taken for granted and alone, that she understands that he feels that he needs to give back what his mother gave him, however that she also feels that she deserves some credit for all her efforts. It's not easy to raise a child and look after the house day after day on your own, it's harder than a lot of jobs. They need to try and explain to each other how they both feel and come to an agreement. Also they need to try not to fight, rather discuss, because that won't solve the problem in the long run.

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 02:06 PM
No u have no ryt to be angry. U his wife and wouldnt u appreciate your husband not having family point a finger at him that he owes them money? Also, so what if he buys his sister a gift, its his sister, and now yours too since your family is now one. Never think in islolation as that makes us selfish people. I think there is more to this that is making you angry... look at the root cause of the problem:-)

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 02:18 PM
Salaams all.I would just like to see a response to this. If you have a wife at home with your child and you work. Okay couple months ago your mother has helped you pay for something( not a very big amount) and she told you not to worry.
But then you earn some extra money and instead of giving your wife something who does not ask for cent every month and does everything at home without a helper. You tell your wife you paying your mother back but the wife knows the sisters birthday is coming up and that is where that money is going. And this was not the first time it has happened. What does the wife the do ? Does the wife have a right to be upset?

She most certainly has a right. your mother has a right over you but your wife looks after your home and child and never demands. You should either split the amount or give your wife some of the money for herself. You are being selfish and irresponsible. You should really discuss this with your wife and stop lying to her.

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 04:27 PM
money issues are always a sensitive matter. sometimes, a person can overreact, especially when inlaws are concerned.
its not like your husband is using the money for haraam dealings, or buying junk. the extra, he felt he would give to his mother this month...maybe because he felt his mother helped him to pay for something, so he felt he wanted to return the favour.
all mothers will say its not necessary to pay them back, but it is only decent of the children to do something for their parents in return.
mothers dont have an excess of money laying around anyways, they dont have age on their side to save up for things as us young adults do.

i think it is kind of your husband to do something for his mother. your husband also informed u that he got paid extra this month. he could have kept quiet and not told u anything, but him telling you, makes it seem like he is very open and honest to you about his finances.

maybe next month, if he gets paid extra he will spoil you...

i dont know what your financial arrangement with your husband is for expenses of the house, but if the money he gives u for groceries etc is not enough, u need to communicate this to him. only then will he beable to budget more effectively concerning home expenses etc.
and not just give out any bit of extra that he gets in.

it is a husbands duty to see to the wifes needs. if he is not playing his role in this effectively, then u need to talk to him about all ur concerns, maybe an allowance for yourself etc.

however from the post that you made, this does not seem to be the problem....just comes across that u are upset at him giving his mother money. i personally feel, a husband should see to his wives needs appropriately, but also, see to his mother. these issues should have been raized before marriage....and worked out then.....

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 06:41 PM
If there's xtra cash, than pay d mother out coz later on u don't want mother to say I did this n that 4 u! Thereafter I think ask wife if she needs anythin before goin to sister or split money n give wife n sister

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 09:09 PM
You are lying to your wife by letting her think you are paying your mother back when in fact you are buying a birthday gift for your sister. What to do with the money should be discussed with your wife

Unregistered
01-08-2012, 10:16 PM
Brother, I think more than being upset about the money your wife is more upset that you took an autonomous decision about what to do with it. In marriage there should be mashwera in every decision. If you had explained that you felt the need to return your mothers money I am sure she would have supported you judging from the way you describe her. Nevertherless, we women are emotional creatures by nature and some don't have the habit of asking but its nice to be appreciated and spoiled too sometimes. The fact that she doesn't ask anything of you and then she sees you overlooking her and contributing to your sisters birthday could also be causing resentment to build up especially if this happens frequently. Even if financially you can't treat her offer to babysit some times while she has time to herself even if its just for a leisurely bath. This will show that you appreciate her. Tell her too how much you appreciate all that she does. So many problems can be headed off by proper communication. Good luck to the both of you. Marriage takes effort to keep successful and we all learn as we go along.

Unregistered
02-08-2012, 06:49 AM
If its a money problem, make shukr because it's not a 'real' problem.

As women we forget that our husbands have a duty unto their mothers. My husbands's Jannah is beneath his mother's feet... I want to be with him in Jannah... so I have to allow him to attain his Jannah in the first place. This is a two-way street. Does he stop you from helping your family? Not just financially, but with your time and effort?

That being said, communication is key in all matters in marriage. It is not fair on either partner to just assume the other knows what is bothering you. You have to say it. Men don't often take hints. You have to say it! I'm not saying start an argument. As women, we have to learn to speak with hiqmat/wisdom. Speak tactfully. Speak strategically. Money matters can quickly become a cause for more unfortunate results. It is best you speak to him

A good dua to make is "Ya Allah, in all your wisdom, please make only GOOD come of this." We dont know what position we will be in later in life. Let your husband's action be a good deed towards his Jannah; rather than making him regret his actions.