selfish husband

[Unregistered]

Hi please advise what to do, married for 2yrs,no kids, does he have an ounce of love for me?no intimacy for a whole year, I don't know what to do , he won't talk about it, nothing,I'm so desperately lonely, so easy to have an affair, why am I stll in this marriage?
Just want to be held, be appreciated,be needed..he pushes me away, so what's the point staying?
Do I stay or do I leave?

[Unregistered]

It is very difficult to comment now knowing anything more. I can only say that it gets much worse when you have kids because a good father needs to be a good husband.
When I was deciding what I wanted in life - one of my friends who had done the loveless marriage for over 9 years said - That one moment of comfort is not worth a lifetime of misery.
Please do some councilling on your own if he wont do it with you - it will help you understand why you stay - in my case it was a low self esteem.
You deserve to be loved. Weather you stay or leave is really a choice only you can make.
Do a list of pros and cons. Do not have an affair - it will make you feel good for a second and make you feel dirty forever.

[Unregistered]

My sister, im sorry to hear of what you are going through. Personally, I think you know the answer, but to clarify things for yourself, you have to look at the circumstances in which you got married.

1. was he pressured by parents to get married? What leverage did his parents use? money, business, disowning him?
2. is he possibly gay?
3. was he in a love relationship with someone else before he married you. He may still be with him or her.

From what I have seen with couples, these matters hardly get better. He is either in the marriage or not. My personal opinion would be to move on instead of a flogging dead horse. Marriage is sacred, one doesnt walk away if there is a problem. The problem needs to be addressed, however if a spouse does not want to work on it. He is already telling you that they way things now, its his terms of engagements. I wouldn't entertain the likes of such a man, firstly because its demeaning and one can almost use the word abusive, secondly your happiness is non existent. This also plays with ones Imaan, I am assuming you are a Muslima. Another sad day for Muslims.

Don't even bother with an affair because you cant win. It will be a distraction but it leaves no lasting happiness. If things come out, you will always be the bad guy not matter how you were treated in the marriage.

Call a meeting with parents from both sides and then arrange for the matters to be addressed.

All the best. :'(

[Unregistered]

Dear sister
Please read this link. http://www.happy-relationships.com/depression-in-men.html

Counseling therapy is important. You can attend alone then introduce it to him. If then the marriage is a definite mismatch. Then it's also wrong to remain in such a marriage.

[Joburger]

You should try to find out the reasons for your husband not wanting to be intimate or to have sexual relations, which is a duty of every woman and man within a marriage. He may be suffering from erectile dysfunction, which is embarrassing for most men; or he could be suffering from depression. Are there any financial problems in your home or in the extended family? Is he having problems at work? There may be many reasons. Try to persuade him to get some help - medical or psychological. If you have made all reasonable efforts to get to the root of the problem and try to find solutions, he is still not interested in intimacy and sexual relations, it could be grounds for divorce in Islam. See: http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=539