View Full Version : don't know what to do:(

07-01-2013, 09:40 PM
I'm married with kids, my hubby is never around, I'm so hurt as he dsnt understand what I go thrgh or make a diff for me n our kids. He dsnt respect my wishes or take me into consideration. He is the bread winner, I can't leave him coz he pays for the kids, I v no financial stability. I become miserable, my kids suffer coz I take it out on them. I dunno what to do he dsnt give me straight answers as to what he'd like to do about our marriage, but he always says he'll never leave me, now can he never leave me but at the same time make me miserable? I feel like I need to see a psycologist coz of things that happened in the past but I'm so mad coz I dunno where I stand, I've wanted to go work he didn't want me to............

09-01-2013, 07:03 PM
I really empathise with you, as you find yourself in a difficult situation having to bring up children and run a house without the support of your husband. From what you say, I gather that you have tried to talk to him but it has not helped. Perhaps you need an intermediary to discuss with each of you individually and then with both of you some of the issues in your marriage and to help you find solutions. I would suggest marriage counselling to try to get to the root of the problem. It seems that your husband knows that you will not be able to leave as you are dependent on him financially. If he refuses to go for counselling, perhaps you should tell him that you are leaving and separate from him for a short period. It may bring him to his senses. You could also give him the experience of looking after the kids by leaving them with him for a weekend while you go to a relative. Another way may be to refuse to cook, clean the house, wash and iron his clothes, etc. You know what may encourage him to protect and defend the marriage.
Withholding sexual relations may be another way to bring him to his senses. In Kenya, in 2009, women in two villages that were in conflict with each other refused to have sex with their men until they made peace and it worked. It is based on an old Greek play, Lysistrata, often performed as an opera. No doubt some aalim will tell you that refusing to have sex with your husband is haraam, but our ulema often refuse to understand the plight of women. They also do not explain the conditions of equality between husband and wife in which sexual relations should take place. Shaikh Ahmed Kutty explains it very well on his website: http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=331
May Allah grant you peace, happiness and fulfilment in your marriage, Insha-Allah.