My husband does not want to have sex with me

[Unregistered]

Why is that? I am not an ugly or fat or unattractive person. So I don't understand what the problem is.. We have had this discussion many times and his response is that he is just tired..

but not tired enough to go to the bathroom with this phone to pleasure himself.. yes I have caught him many times looking at porn and pleasuring himself.

He can sit up and watch tv or play ps all night long but the minute he comes to bed he is fast asleep..

He would now and then get heated up in the middle of the night and as a good muslim wife, I don't turn him down but i feel so used.. that he would just get up in the middle of the night and want it. and then go back to bed..

Always makes me wonder if he was dreaming of another woman thats why he needed to be satisfied..

I used to dress up in the bedroom but I don't anymore as I feel that I will get rejected or I feel that he feels that I am now becoming desperate for his love and attention.

This has been going on for the past 6 - 7 months if not longer..

I would appreciate some advice.

Jzk

[Ml.Habib Bobat]

Walaikum Salaam

The best way to get him back on track is to help him overcome the addiction of pornography and pleasuring himself.
This can be achieved by implementing the following measures. At the same time give him the support to overcome this crises.

Make a promise to yourself that you will try not to watch pornography. Making a promise will help set boundaries.

Take an oath that I will not see pornography again and if I do so, I will pay so much amount of money e.g. R10 000 so this will be the strongest barrier for him to access such websites.

Embrace spirituality this is one of the most effective way of overcoming this issue.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself why this route? Tell yourself that you are better than that.

Repent sincerely to Allah and make a firm resolution not to return again to it.

Get rid of everything on your computer that is even remotely related to pornography. Do not keep anything at all. If you have bookmarks to porn sites, delete them. Empty your cache and delete your history. If you are a member of a porn site, resign your membership. It goes without saying that you should stop renting pornographic videos or DVDs.

Don't spend lonely nights surfing the Internet. Try to go to bed at the same time as the rest of the family, or earlier.
Try not to be alone in a room with the computer. Plan how much time you will use the Internet, and for what purpose. Follow your own guidelines. And remember, having broadband access doesn't force you to use the Internet all day long.

Before turning on your computer, make a list (on paper) of all the things you want to accomplish. Methodically work your way through the list and turn off the computer when you're done. Afterward, get away from computer and make plans to do something else
Instead of spending so much time alone on the computer, develop an interest in something else. Develop a hobby, join the gym, spend time with your family, do some volunteer work. There are a million ways to spend your free time.

Think positive. By constantly telling yourself not to look at pornography it can keep the idea in your head. Instead of focusing on what not to do, focus on productive, enjoyable things you can do instead, even if it's as simple as something like a crossword puzzle.

Install software to filter pornographic web content it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident. That's important. If you are tech-savvy you can edit your hosts file to block your common haunts.

And as far yourself is concern, do not give up dressing up and entertaining him. Remember as long as a person’s sexual needs are fulfilled this will not happen again Inshallah. So continue spicing up the relationship.

And Allah Knows Best

ML.Habib Bobat