View Full Version : i am lost!!

23-04-2015, 03:18 PM
I feel like walking away,saying goodbye and letting go. I feel like I have done all I could and I've given all I had!

I know my worth and right now, I have comprmised so much of my happiness for this '"safety net" that it has almost ceased to exist! I am just a shadow of the person I thought I would be. My heart breaks when I think of the dreams & plans I had, yes I am human and like any other I had dreams and goals!

I got married much earlier than I ever thought I would! Hack married @ 22 with two babies @ 24 was nowhere near my list of things to do before 25!
Well,all good and well. Allah is the best of planners and my life is going exactly the way He has planned!

I find myself standing on the edge...that's how I feel... I feel like screaming,shouting,crying and just letting all this bottled up emotions out of my system!

Married life is no walk in the park &:
•being a wife to a somewhat emotionally dead/almost a mammas boy kinda hubby
•being a stepmother to a spoilt teenager
•meddling in laws
•not financially independent in anyway is not making anything easier!

I am pregnant and the loneliness is killing me. I stand alone in my marriage. I don't think my husband has quite grasped what being a husband entails!
I get treated like a child, intermediated and always reminded that the house I live in is not mine! In all honesty I am tired of crying and tired trying to let my worth & value be noticed!

I have fought for a place in his life and his heart for the past 26 months and I am drained! in his life I am a mere option and everything and everyone else takes preference over me! Yes everyone including his ex wife :-)

I am flawed in many ways but I believe I am giving my all to make this marriage work! I have no idea what to do, do I stay or do I go??
#already have two fallen talaqs

05-05-2015, 11:40 AM
You are in need of urgent counselling. You cannot get through this by yourself and need a perspective and insight on how to make the changes you dearly are in need of.

I suggest a separation from your husband, to focus on yourself, and your life. Being out of the situation, away from what is depressing you and bringing you down will allow you to take a breather, and come to a conclusion about where you want this relationship to head.

With two talaaqs already given, the third cant be too far away. Dont wait for that third one to strike you when you are least aware or ready. Make a list of all the positive things in your life, then make another list of all the things you want to achieve and what changes you have to make in order to see those achievements come to light. You cannot make changes if you are shackled and held down. Set yourself and your mind free, make the changes you believe will help you become who you once were.

There are many single mothers who are raising their kids successfully, and these are happy kids who are no longer witnessing their mother being oppressed and depresses. Dont despair, make dua, ask Allah to guide you and help you.

Deep within you know the answers, and you know that you are in an unhappy marriage, so go get the help you need. You deserve to be happy.

If you are in Jhb, I would suggest seeing a counsellor at the Jamiats Care Line.

My duas are with you.

05-05-2015, 12:28 PM
Aslmwlkm sister.

You sound very down and under. I agree with the above comment, you need to seek professional help before it is too late. The grass is always greener on the other side. Allah forbid, if the third talaaq happens, how will you suddenly become financially independent? How will you take care of your kids on your own?

Make a list of all the positives, that way you will see that although things could be much better for you, you already have a lot of blessings that others don't. This may not be what your goals and dreams entailed but some people wait their whole lives to have just one child. Treasure them

Wake up for tahajjud, Allah will definitely be there listening to you, talk to Him and tell Him about your sadness, leave your worries in Allah's hands regarding things you cannot control.

You need hobbies and activities you enjoy doing. You also don't have to be wealthy to start simple things at home to create an income for yourself, look at what you're good at and you really only need social media to promote your services/goods.

You're pregnant, hormones can play a huge role in how you're currently feeling and in turn, what you feel may also affect your baby. Try and seek help as soon as you can.

Make an effort with your in laws and husband, change the way you see and do things for the pleasure of Allah, and even though they might be at fault, Allah could easily change their hearts towards you.

Best of luck sister. May Allah guide you towards what is best for you and grant you success of all kinds in both worlds.

05-05-2015, 06:01 PM
Go and never look back on the brutal mistake you made, getting married in rose glasses. From this instant make your heart solid rock, devoid of any feelings. 2.make a perfect wudhu, and offer two rakaat salaah towbah. 3.make heart rendering dua of forgiveness , and beseech your lord for wisdom to take it from the prayer mat, to under His and His care only . Kick out your pitty potty with all the strength you can muster, and re- start your life. Take everyday as it comes, but as long as you will not feel bloody sorry for yourself , you will not ever see the light at the end of your current darkness . Fight it my sister , fight . You're still young , and the power is yours as long as your intentions will be noble , and your confused mind free from hypocrisy . Be the exact opposite of the morons who are making you a piece of the **** you are right now . Good luck , and Allah be with the truthful and sincere ones Ameen .

05-05-2015, 07:37 PM
Wslms. I am so sorry to hear that you having such a tough time. But there are definitely steps that you can take to making it better. I can imagine that it is very difficult to speak to people around you. I do however work for the South African Depression and Anxiety Group and we have a call centre that you can call to get some guidance and referrals. The number is 0800 21 22 23. You don't have to share your personal information if you don't want to. We are here to help. My duas are with you as well.

06-05-2015, 06:44 AM
Sister firstly may Allah be with you in this trying time. Remember when things are hard Allah is sufficient for us. My sister u are spot on marriage is hard and as a women u give up more then your last name u give up the sense of who you are from your dreams to simple things like the food u love just to accommodate a home.
Sister I can advice calling Islamic help or care line and get help as you mentioned you are pregnant, u need to talk to some one before the post natal depression kicks in and makes every thing harder.
Step kids indeed are no walk in the park but as a step mother you can guide your step kids and teach them as.well also on the other hand if u can't manage remember your step kids are ur husband responsibility and he needs to see to them as well.
I suggest u talk to ur husband as most of the time man are pretty much dumb founded be may think argh all is ok. But some.times the bull needs to be pulled by the horn-
May Allah be with you