PDA

View Full Version : Will I ever get married?



Unregistered
04-09-2014, 07:26 PM
Why is it so hard to find a guy :( So depressing..

Naeem
09-09-2014, 02:18 PM
Why am I still not married?

by S Farooq
Source: Muslimvillage.com




I remember the chagrin and inner turmoil of being single and hopeful of marriage, back during my early twenties!

Even after almost a decade of marriage, I still vividly remember the constant roller-coaster of emotions that the heart experiences every time a marriage proposal is negotiated.

One thinks: Is this the one?

Will this family/person be my future spouse/in-laws?

Sometimes the marriage negotiation process painstakingly goes on for months, only to culminate in nothing. Up go one’s dreams, hopes and aspirations about the future into thin air! Once again, it is back to square one.

Whether a young, single Muslim is a man or woman, if they are ardently desirous of completing half their Deen, the anguish and frustration (including sexual angst) they feel whenever another year of their life passes by without any impending nuptials on the horizon is, contrary to gender-discriminating cultural myths, similarly disconcerting and unnerving.

Wherever in the world they might be, as the years pass and the number of fruitless marriage proposals grows, the singleton might begin to feel despondent and worn down by this trial of patience in their quest of completing half their Deen.

So what should one tell a young forlorn wannabe bride or groom when they justifiably ask: “Why am I still unmarried?”

First of All: There Is Nothing Wrong with You!

Although self-confidence is, admittedly, an effective catalyst in finding a spouse, believe me when I tell you that you are not ugly, weird, unattractive, or unworthy of marriage! Allah created the beautiful, unique you, and if He decrees it, someone out there will agree to marry you just the way you are.

So do not despair of Allah’s mercy, and remain positive that someone out there will like you and agree to marry you, insha’Allah. Even if you begin to believe that being short, overweight, shy or acne-skinned is a negative thing going against your favor in the marriage market, it is not, because a certain criteria of looks or education is not a pre-requisite for marriage, contrary to what older people might say.

Look around you at recently married or even older couples. Are all of them very good looking? Don’t both of the partners seem to have at least one physical defect or blemish? Does everyone you know in your social circle, who recently got married, look like they stepped off a fashion runway?

You will find a wide variety of “real couples” who break every stereotype in the book (and please, refrain from looking at celebrity couples and famous people!): husbands who are shorter than their wives; wives who are older than their husbands; cross-cultural marriages that are refreshingly functional; infertile couples who are very happily married; men who are in love with their plus-size or dark-skinned wives; wives who are more educated than their husbands; the list is endless.

Never let others make you feel that if you are thirty-something and still not married, it is because either there is something wrong with you, or because Allah has decreed for you to forever remain single.

Divine Wisdom behind Perceived “Delays” in Marriage

In a world that is increasingly pressurizing everyone, from babies and children to adults, to achieve their personal milestones in life as early as possible, a righteous and single Muslim who is in his or her late twenties, thirties or forties might find themselves the target of unwarranted social stigmatization and cruel speculation:

“Why doesn’t anyone take a liking to her? Do you think she intimidates suitors because she is over-educated?”

“Do you think there is magic involved? Should we visit a spiritual specialist to find out?”

“Maybe he is socially awkward? Or could it be that big bald spot on his head that chases proposals away?”

Unless a single person is outright opposed to the idea of marriage for personal reasons, most of us tend to forget the natural law/principle that applies universally: everyone is different, and they come into this world with a different, unique, preordained decree.

So, while most young people, Muslim or not, are able to find a spouse and get married in their teens or twenties, there is no unspoken or written rule that lays down a certain prerequisite age-range for the union, beyond which it supposedly becomes impossible for a person to marry, and be written off as “off the market”.

Marriage can take place at any age in life, even at 50 or 60, as Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and many of his companions practically demonstrated.

It is also a fact that marriage will not happen within the first 2 or 3 decades of life for every one of us. So we should give more leeway and refrain from making blanket, generalized statements about our older, single brothers and sisters.

Read the full article here: http://jamiat.org.za/blog/why-am-i-still-not-married/

Ebrahim
23-09-2014, 10:56 AM
Why is it so hard to find a guy :( So depressing..

I have the opposite problem: why is it so hard to find a good girl? I just have to keep trying.

Unregistered
10-10-2014, 06:07 PM
Yeah, same here. also trying very hard to find a girl.
I'm currently getting intros with matchmakers. someone told me that i'm fishing in the wrong pond.
what's the alternative pond then - Facebook?
thats not very islamic right?

request for your duas for Allah swt to make it easy for us to find our matches. Ameen

Unregistered
10-11-2014, 03:23 PM
Many people have felt this way. Myself included, but I made the mistake of rushing into a marriage. A year in and a few months into my pregnancy we both realised what a mistake it's been. Take your time and always make Istikhara.... Trust me its better to be single than a lonely, unloved spouse.

May Allah bless all who are seeking with suitable partners and may HE bless all who are married with love and understanding
Please remember hubby and I in your duaas....

Unregistered
10-11-2014, 04:49 PM
Is there any Guy here that would wanna get married & Move to the US?